..and who says the Indian girl doesn't have a mind of her own.....

Wednesday- 8:45am- On my bus ride after dropping off my younger one at school, I met my 'old' friend. By 'old' here I mean, a little kid's grand dad who I befriended during my morning bus routine. He and I had got chatty some months back and with our chance meetings every morning, we would talk a little more about our lives in those 10 minutes. Today uncle took me by surprise and told me, "You should write about Modi, about the synergies between India and Singapore". I think I had a bit of a 'shocked' expression on my face. He immediately said, "My wife and I have been following your blogs and I think you can write about some 'serious' stuff too". Of course I had a big smile on my face and very politely told him that not only does he have high hopes from my writing but he just made my day, I had to tell uncle politely that I write only to bring out my emotions and I am far away from Indian politics. We ended our brief conversation with, "see you tomorrow" and then he said I probably make people's day with that wide smile of mine. He even said not sure if you realise it, but you even smile this widely at the bus driver every morning. Well that was surely a very good start to my day.

11:30am- The time of the day when I finally get to my desk, sort out my things for the day, discuss the day's menu with my helper (and there are days, when I tell her today she has to think and suggest the menu!!), and on days like this sit and write.

I (finally) managed to see Piku just 2 days ago after it's almost two week release. Let me tell you for stay-at-home mum's even going for a movie in the day requires a lot of planning and co-ordination. You are always debating with this constant 'guilt' of not being there when the kids wake up (if u go for  walk/run in the morning), not being there when the kids get home from school. Anyway long story short, I managed to get out for the movie (with more a push from my elder girl who had seen the movie and insisted that I see it too!)

My verdict- It's a movie after ages that left me impacted, I was awake all through the film (that's a rare with me as I always take a power nap in the theatre). The roles have been written and acted so beautifully. Probably a few years back this movie would have been bracketed into an 'art movie' category but today it's an out and out commercial movie.

The main character Piku is a lot like some of us. Well, maybe yes and no. A lot of us (Indians my generation) have that streak of independence, have lived life on our own terms, have had only our 'needs' fulfilled as there were no avenues for the 'wants' and are still deeply rooted to our parents. No because, I still cannot talk about my sex life in front of my parents, with my independence came freedom- freedom to not be answerable to anyone, to take my own decisions and also bear the consequences if they were wrong.

Every time I go back to India, I see a lot of 'Piku's' around- be it at malls, at pubs, at restaurants, friends daughters, cousin's girlfriends. She is not rare anymore. The young Indian girl today knows her mind and is not ready to fully compromise. Somewhere good and bad.

Movies like Piku show a progressive India. An India some of us relate to and some of us don't. It portrays a modern, cosmopolitan Indian girl who despite being forward thinking, is attached to her roots and tries hard to find her 'own' life while handling her father's life.

I happened to read this blog Piku, our loveable, modern day Jo March, just today. So well written and apt. I love the way this blog ended. It shows a true picture of our society, our emotional tie-ups, our attachment to our roots (despite being away from it for years), our constant dilemma of being away from our parents, and a natural transfer of responsibility as parents get older and the kids take on the role of managing them! With every generation we are getting more open-minded, we are ready for change but some things that is so 'us' hopefully will stay constant.

I walked out of that movie (after ages) with a smile, and immediately called home to see if the elder one was back from school safe and sound! Guess that's the bit of 'Piku' in me...however independent and broad-minded I may be, I will always be deeply rooted to my home and my kids...

life moves on.....

Wednesday 8:30am- This is probably my most relaxed 15 minutes in the morning. I am normally in a bus going off to drop off my younger one (and I can happily say that's her 'me' time with me)..We talk a lot in that bus ride, see some familiar faces, discuss our day, see the elder sisters bus pass by and sometimes even sing some rhymes. Once we get-off at the bus stop close to her school we have a short 5-7 minute walk to her school gate. Even here we have familiar faces we see daily and now it's a routine to wish each other every morning. One such person we wish is an old 'uncle' who comes by to the park everyday and under a  tree practices 'Tai Chi'. Without fail, we see him every morning and we greet each other. Between my girl and me, we have him named 'Tai Chi naana'. Of course that's our little secret. And the days we don't see him, my little girl will surely ask me, "Where is Tai Chi naana" this morning?" Am sure when she grows up, we will remember this bus ride and our 'Tai Chi naana".

Wednesday 10:00am- I chanced upon this blog piece- The Exclusive Club Sheryl Sandberg Never Intended To Join. A lot has been said and written about Sheryl Sandberg's personal loss. No doubt nothing in the world can compensate for that loss. But this blog piece in particular was far more moving. With no personal offense to Sheryl, I think her situation was slightly better. More common stories we hear  (actually we hardly get to hear about them as they are all unknown faces leading absolutely anonymous lives) of women who have to build their life from scratch- economically, socially and emotionally. And with the responsibility of bringing up kids, one cannot shirk away from that job. In her case, her financial and economic independence may have made her come back (a bit) easier. But only someone in that situation knows how tough it is to be alone and to play a dual role for your kids. But having said that, life also is a great teacher. It teaches you to handle adversity and gives you immense strength which you would have never envisaged that you ever possessed it.

Another piece I read just this morning: My Mother Doesn't Know My Name Anymore

Years ago, I had interacted with the writer. I was a junior PR executive and she an upcoming journalist. I don't personally know her but at some level I know of her. Today when I read the piece I had goosebumps. I can't even imagine how the family is coping with the situation and they continue to live a 'normal' life. Wow!

Like they always say, 'Life moves on. It waits for none.' Both these stories and both the women in question are perfect examples of how you look for inner strength and spread joy around you....

what's in a day???

Wednesday (5:30am)- I had an interesting chat in my cab ride while I was heading back from the airport after seeing off family. There are only 2 countries in the world where I can 'dare' to step out by myself at such an hour of the day- Singapore and Dubai! I am certain that I will be home safe and sound...

Anyway to come back to my talk with the cabbie 'uncle'- that's what we call them fondly here! He was curious to know about 'safety' conditions in India. He asked me, "would I dare to be out alone at this hour in India". Of course most of us know what my answer would have been. He was very knowledgeable about India. He spoke about our political scenario, socio-economic conditions. He asked me if I faced a situation of panic what would I do? Well I had to explain to him that India is clearly divided into 2 sections- those who 'dare to speak' and those 'who dare not to speak'. I am lucky that I belong to the former.  It was tough for him to apprehend it. In our short 10-minute drive I tried hard to explain to him that India is too complex and living in those conditions has its own challenges and charm. The huge socio-economic disparity is evident in society and that has a clear impact on our upbringing and thinking. Guess that left him thinking. But he left with me surprised of his knowledge of Indian politics. He spoke at ease on India's last 50-years political history and had an opinion on today's governance as well. And let me tell you he must have been atleast 70 years old!

2014!

2:30pm- My recently done Mother's Day features for Polka Cafe, a portal I write actively for went live. Both the features tackled two ends of the emotional spectrum of a mother. 

http://www.polkacafe.com/mothers-day-gift-ideas-1295.html

http://www.polkacafe.com/tips-on-how-to-balance-work-and-home-1334.html

It was an interesting platform for me to gauge what other mum's think (is it any different from me). I always feel (just may be), I am a little over protective of my kids and over-indulgent (though I try very hard not to). Though I 'think' I have lately tried to 'let loose' a lot. But both these features proved I am not the only one!

Someone asked me the other day, "So are you still home (and not back to work) because of your younger one?" And I said, " I am not really sure who I am home for (amongst both the kids)." I feel it's very tough to answer that.  

A close friend asked me after reading my Mother's Day piece, on where are my thoughts. Well I think everyday should be celebrated as 'Mother's Day'. As mothers our role is like a fluid. We exist in a big way but somewhere we tend to get lost and merged.

When I did both my stories, I clearly noticed two aspects- some very emotional moments shared and some very practical and clear. I couldn't figure out where I stood. I would love and hope to be somewhere in the middle.

Today having come a full circle (from a tough corporate routine to a full-time stay at home mum to now trying to get work going on a part-time basis), I am quite ready for a mid-path. The day you can be at peace (with yourself) for letting go that money and that life, you can be a happy soul. I remember once someone telling me, "When you decide to quit, leave it at a high. Never at a low". That stayed with me always and when I quit, I was probably at my peak. So today the urge to go back to that is no more. I rather compensate that with a few laughter's I have with the kids when they come back from school, hear their silly stories for the day and indulge in some kind of 'stimulation' that keeps my mind ticking. This life is probably my best 'Mother's day' gift I could have given myself.

a small lesson in life...

Thursday- Strangely I needed to make a call to Adi (my husband)... strange because I hardly call him these days... We talk mostly through 'whatsapp'. And as I started scrolling through my recent call list I realised I hadn't made a call to him the last 1 week! Wow! 

I still distinctly recollect I got my 1st phone when I started working around 1998/1999. It was one of those 'then' cool 'Sony Ericsson' (blue) colored phones. Not to mention it was passed down to me by my sister! Yet it was the highlight of my life. Sending a message to someone was the coolest thing to do then. And today, life moves only on messages. No one has the time to talk. My 'cool' (almost teenage) nephew refuses to go shopping with me and suggests that I 'whatsapp' him whatever I choose for him, and he shall let me know if he likes it! I think this is a good training ground for me before my girls grow up and I face a similar situation!

Saturday: I have been making rounds of the Singapore Squash and Tennis centre every Saturday evening. My nephew (visiting us from India) gets trained there for squash. Being a bit far from home, I have to spend my 2 hours there. At this location is this quaint cafe (and the only place I can sit peacefully and write this blog). Seeing me a 2nd weekend, the cafe owner got chatty. More than him, I was curious to know how did he get to open a cafe here, is this what he did all his life? My brief 15 minute chats with him was an eye opener for me.

An IT consultant who decided to take a sabbatical, go to France for a month and get trained to bake breads, pies, croissants (undoubtedly the most yummy ones I have tasted). Came back to Singapore, found this highly unattractive location and starts to live his dream. Why do I say unattractive location? Well this location is not in a commercial/ market area, its not around where expats live, there are no other shops around that area. But yet this guy took that bold step and started this cafe. And mind you he is half Japanese and half Brazilian who speaks fluent French and he sells to a large local population.

I learnt a big lesson when I chatted with him. If you have a dream, you can live it by taking baby steps. Its not important that every dream has to be big and there is no 'one' way to do it. He got this location at a good cost (that he could afford), he worked hard on his clientele, and what he bakes is excellent.

Every dream comes with a fear.. A fear that you will fail. But a small start makes that fear less daunting. Atleast you are living your dream every day!Strangely this bakery doesn't have a french name- it's called Bread King and its written in Chinese style- he says that's my main clientele and why should I have a name that no one can pronounce!!! He knows most of his customers by name and they all call him 'Pedro'- his first name!! 

When I walked into his cafe that evening I had asked for a croissant but he hadn't baked it then. As I was ready to leave after two hours, he made sure I had a freshly baked croissant on hand! True marketer and an equally good baker!! That's probably why people drop by to buy even just a loaf of bread from him!

is it really simpler now??

Friday: Our house was suddenly brimming with action! Family arrived from India and there was noise everywhere. It's a rare sight. We live such regimented lives, I could spend my entire day without talking to anyone (if I don't make that effort to step out of the house). 'Chaos' was the word to describe the scenario. Time spent at the meal table is suddenly more fun with kids arguing, teasing each other, playing table games (even the 3-year old insisting to be a participant). I am happy for a change no one asks me 'what's for dinner tonight'. They rather ask me 'so what's the plan this evening'. Simple pleasures of life. I can suddenly see the '3' kids (including an almost there teenager), doing things for each other. Be it playing lego or game of UNO together, dancing to 'Uptown Funk' or playing cricket with the 3-year old. Guess each of these will be memories as they grow. 

I know none of this will last forever but am certain it surely will lay a foundation to their future relationships. For the grandparents these are golden moments. They get all the kids together and can nurture them and shower them with all their love. Of course deciding on what to do becomes the biggest challenge (you have to appease the 3-year old and the 13-year old). I probably understand the 'thrill' of bringing up 3 kids now! You are a unit in yourself- you really don't need company!

 Monday: My 7-year old and her 2 friends have been practicing very hard the last few weeks. For the first time, she has moved beyond her comfort zone and is getting onto her school stage for a performance. Anyone who knows her, will know this is a big deal (for her). So we have been spending a lot of time chauffeuring her around. Of course the (hyper) mother in me was trying to close all the loopholes for the registration for the performance etc. I suddenly get a mail from the school that the registration date has expired and I missed it in the school e-newsletter! And my reaction was 'Jesus, this can't be true'. Probably the school had some sympathies towards us (mums), and they made an exception and enrolled the kids in.

And then it got me thinking. These days we better be on top of all the communication channels- e-mails, letters, whatsapp, messages, viber, facebook, snapchat! Not a day goes when all the above are not checked. Life was simpler when we were kids. We only had to hand-over that circular to our folks and it said it all! What will happen if I decide not to check my facebook/whatsapp/messages for a day!! And despite being on top of it, I missed it! Good or bad- again no one right answer!

Thought with technology life should be simpler but is it really getting simpler?? I still have a bit of the old school in me- like to read my newspaper every morning, still liking writing the birthday cards, can't get myself to read an e-book (can read only short articles on my phone). I hope I don't reach a stage where I have an empty mailbox one day!

some of my fears....

When was the last time you overcame a fear you've had for years..in my case since childhood. Darkness and the water (swimming, pool, ocean). I always feared playing 'dark room' with my cousins and friends. I would run out of the room if it was dark. I never set foot into a pool when I was a kid and if ever on a boat etc, I always feared it toppling and my face under the water.

Of course as you grow older, your fears start to fade away. In my case, darkness was something I had to overcome (without a choice) when I started living alone. I had to battle out those dark moments caused by power cuts, walks back home after a late night at work, entering a dark house. But I would still console myself by leaving some lights on while sleeping, run into the house the moment I am out of the lift. 

My running route at 5:45am!

Recently (just over a year ago) when I got into my running routine, I had a few questions on my mind- when should I go for my runs? Would the mornings or evenings be better. If mornings, I didn't want to disturb the routine of the kids and be away while they woke up. So the only 'fitting' time was the wee hours of the morning- ie 5:30/5:45am! So I thought it was all sorted and felt a happy mother- I would be back to wake the kids up!

 
When I stepped out for my 1st early morning run, I looked in all the directions (that I could possibly go). Some were well-lit and some had patches that were eerie and dark. Yes the fear of the dark did get to me, but strangely I was ready to leave it behind and just run. Was it my yearning for my new found pastime to run or was it me just a bit older and wiser now? Of course I never make the mistake to turn back and see how dark it is behind! I fear I may not be able to run further...Today I fearlessly run in any direction with the only fear that a cyclist may knock me down!

My second weakness- the water! A few months back, I had a chat with a friend. We both expressed our desire to do a short-kayaking course (why did I say yes, I am still not too sure). We told ourselves that we will try and do it in 2015. Which meant I had to overcome my 2nd fear and I needed to step into the water/pool. 

The pool view from my home

I coaxed a close friend (whose a good swimmer) to teach me to swim. While doing my 1st class, I asked her "why did I shy away from this all these years?" Was I conscious of people watching me? Or did I really fear the water? I am not sure what the right answer is. I was happy (that atleast at 39 years), I pushed myself to get over my 2nd fear in life! I may have a long way to go, but I feel the moment you take that baby step, there is no looking back. My 1st class at swimming felt like the day I ran my 1st 1km! Today I derive pleasure when I go for my runs, hopefully it will feel the same when I swim one day!

Like my husband put it across well, "You are living the lifestyle of the poor and famous these days- yoga, gym, run, swim..so I really can't complain!" That's true. Most of the items on this list were on my bucket list (when I was working). Probably 10 years back if someone told me this is what I would be doing or enjoy doing, I would have laughed it off. But I think it's my irony that each of these today give me a 'high', and they manage to fit into my day (somehow)!

shocking and unnerving...

I know that life teaches you a lot by itself. I grew manifolds after I left home when I was 18 years and there was no looking back since. A few weeks back I had some interesting conversations with my mum-in-law. We both come from very different school of thoughts but we still have managed to agree, understand and respect each others thoughts. We spoke about first impressions, my upbringing, how important is freedom and space for kids as they grow and the role you play as a parent to make them independent (especially by letting go!).

A few days back, my elder girl and I had gone Indian grocery shopping. I refer to that store as our store for survival! It's doesn't give you the greatest shopping experience but it's one of those things that needs to be done! And that was the whole reason to drag the 7- year old. 

On landing there, I asked her to fetch a shopping cart. The poor girl landed at the wrong aisle and asked a sales guy for his empty trolley. Instead of directing her to the right trolley station, he snapped at her. There was a few seconds of pause between all of us. She froze and I stared. And that was it. The poor guy saw the bad side of me! Of course it then led to apologies and we were back to our shopping within minutes.

The next few minutes there was utter  silence between my girl and me. She was shaken. It's very rarely in Singapore you come across such situations. And for kids seeing us in this mode is very rare. I hesitatingly asked her "are you fine". And she blabbered, "I have never seen you like this before". Of course I wanted her to see the bigger picture- I told her right there that it's important to be strong and get yourself heard especially if someone does something wrong to you!! This was surely a reality of life that she had hardly seen before. I know it left her thinking and a bit shaken.

Monday- We all woke up to the shocking news of the death of the founding father of Singapore Mr Lee Kuan Yew (LKY). So much has been said and written in the last one week. I have also witnessed the deaths of the premiers of Dubai and the Ruler of UAE during my stay in Dubai. But this was different. It had shaken up the whole nation and everyone was united in his moment of grief. We had a lot of talk at home on this.

Friday: As a family we try and spend our Friday evening out by having dinner together. As we stepped out our cabbie informed us that there are major road blocks and a journey that normally takes 15 minutes may take more time. People had been queuing up for hours to pay their last respects to their bereaved leader. The Parliament House was close to the CBD area. We headed towards the CBD area, as we wanted the kids to witness those crowds. 

The cabbie who drove us had a slight vocal problem- he was stammering. My 7-year old immediately noticed and asked me in a whispering tone- is something wrong with him? I explained to her that there are people who have such speaking issues but yet they make it in life! It moved her. He tried to make a conversation with her (his daughter was also of the same age) and she patiently heard him out (sometimes not fully understanding what he said). By the end of the journey, they both landed up having a conversation on LKY!

The Fullerton Hotel, Singapore

On reaching the CBD area, our eyes first fell on some of the reflections that were so beautifully done up on the buildings to pay respect to their leader. And of course the queues were shocking. The 7-year old froze again! She couldn't believe that everyone was waiting so late into the night just to get a glimpse of their leader. She asked me if I respected any leader like that back in India- and my answer was NO! Maybe the closest would be Mahatma Gandhi (but my generation wouldn't relate as much to him as maybe my parents and grand parents).

The crowds waiting for the funeral procession

Two completely different incidents shook her over the week. The former maybe was less effective and soon forgotten. Her subsequent visits to the mall, library during the week made her notice a lot.  She and even we had never seen these kind of emotions. People crying while watching the funeral procession on large TV screens at malls, the crowds on the road on a rainy day to witness the funeral procession and the PM's eulogy that was very personal and emotional. This was a historic moment and we were here to witness it. From a 7-year old's perspective, this was unbelievable. She knew something big had happened! Hopefully it will stay on her mind, and when she grows up she will have a tale to tell her kids!!