Tuesday 25 November 2014

strange ways of life...

.....and there are some faces that I see every morning... people I 'see' at my morning run, mum and dads at my kids bus stops, the bus driver for my kids' buses, the bus aunty's (familiar name for most of us in Singapore- bus attendants are 'old' granny's). 

My day starts starts with the smiles and hellos I exchange with these people. They are strangers yet i feel they are part of my daily life... I don't know any of their names, yet my eyes look out for them every morning.

Today when I went to drop off my little one at school, I saw a grandfather in the same bus going to drop off his grandson. For many weeks, we have been exchanging smiles but have never really spoken. Today, the uncle sat near me and we got chatting. Of course the conversation varied from my daughter to his grandchild, their schools, his moving to Singapore.While we spoke, he asked me a question " Do I see a difference in both my kids?" My answer was a prompt "Yes and added, what works for one, never works for the other." It just shows how different two people from the same household can be. To which he added, " God does an excellent quality control job."

The uncle told me about a personal tragedy that had shaken their home in the last 12 months. I wondered why he told me. After all, I was his companion only for that bus ride. When it was time for him to get off, he surely wasn't a stranger to me, yet we never exchanged names.

This meeting left a void in me. It got me thinking. We all live the same way but our circumstances are so varied. All my problems (for that moment), seemed so meager. I probably should stop cribbing about my day-to-day life and look at the larger picture.

Last weekend, I also met an old lady probably in her 60's, who I have been seeing most Saturday mornings when I go for my run. She struggles to run but doesn't give up. This time we exchanged smiles..as i crossed her, I felt I knew her a 'wee' bit better.

Both these acquaintances, had an impact on me. One a bit deeper. I will look out for the uncle every morning now and hope to exchange a bit more than a smile as days go by...


Wednesday 19 November 2014

i can see the gaps....

Today was a big day for me! An off the cuff field trip with my 7-year old's class on a 'rainy' day! As per the brief, I was at her class at 9am! Just while passing time, my eyes fell on the noticeboard. I could see some of their recent work pinned up.

Their latest Unit of inquiry (UOI) is based on transportation. For me even the term UOI was a bit unique at the onset..I was more prepared for 'chapter names' and a 'textbook' to follow...But the methodology has been of 'innovation, imagination and research.
UOI work pinned up on the board!


So to come back to the pin-up board..the exercise included every kid to come up with an innovative mode of transport and elaborate on its USP! Of course  the 'curious' mother in me, first looked for my daughter's work, and then scanned through most of the others. No one answer was the same. For a start for me, that was 'startling'. If it was my school days, this would have been unacceptable. But in the current scenario, they were all 'right'.

I had tonnes of thoughts running through my mind (even during the field trip)..In my growing up years, and the system of education I followed, I was always taught that there was only either a 'right' or a 'wrong'. There was never a mid-path or a choice to think differently. It was always about referring to existing information and ensuring that you imbibe that to the best! Never about imagination and research...There was always a pressure to do well, stay ahead of others and never look back!

And when I see our kids, I see a 'big' difference today. It's not about how better you are than the others, but more about if you are giving your best; it's more about you thinking to your maximum.     

I recollect several conversations I had with my parents for not being given a 'choice' on what I wish to study. You were either good or bad! The average student would always be lost in the pool!

It's taken me a while to get used to this system. I often try to weigh her vis-a-vis other kids, I try to see where she lacks, I try to push her... but every time I do that, I feel I may be repeating some of the errors that happened with me. She's lucky to 'not' be in that rat race and to 'not' feel the pressure. And I hope this will bring out the best in her!

I am not sure which system is better. We survived (and probably thrived) in our system. But even today when I try and look for that 'one' right way in every situation, I am constantly reminded by my girl it may not be the 'only' way.

I still freak out when I see 'less' homework for the week and create my own worksheets! I still haven't reached the mode where I can 'chill' or more let 'her' chill..

I am  (still not sure) hoping this is the 'right approach' to growing up! The fact that it's okay to experiment and everyone is 'right' has taken me a while to accept.

I often felt a gap at some stage between my parents and me, and I see it setting in between me and my daughter now!

Wednesday 12 November 2014

so when is the right time!

As I went for my run early this morning, I had a cluster of thoughts in my mind...mind you this is at 6:10am! Things like what's my agenda for today, hope I get back before the kids wake up, my Standard Chartered 10km marathon run next month- will I be able to run comfortably! That's probably the only time of the day, I don't look at my phone and have a clear 'thinking mind'.
The bay side @ Tanjong Rhu


I was somewhere half-way through my run and I saw a young boy (I think he would be about 10-11 years old) walking to school (alone), holding two heavy bags. It was around 6:20am and it was dark! The direction he was walking towards looked like he was heading to the nearest train station! For a second it was unbelievable!

And then I thought, would our kids ever do something like this (or rather would we let them do it?). I have done it in my life, but would I let my kids do it was the bigger question!

Immediately my mind rewound to a a discussion at our home 6 months ago. My then 'going to be' 7-year old, claimed one morning, that she would like to walk back home 'alone' from the bus stop every afternoon! I took a 'deep breadth' and told myself maybe I should take her seriously. And the 'mother' in me said, "that's primarily the biggest agenda in my day..am I ready for it as yet?" But I felt that if I can't do it in Singapore, I probably couldn't do it anywhere else in the world! So I probably need to take the step now...

And so our daily routine started. We avoided telling the 'father' for nearly a week as we both wanted to get used to this routine first. And it worked well. I suddenly realised that my girl was growing up and it was time for me to start 'letting go'. The bus stop got extended to going to the playground by herself, the minimart (located in our basement), even to friend's homes (wherever she was comfortable to go by herself).

I don't recollect when I started doing all this by myself. Maybe even earlier. I anyway never had an 'aunty' (typical name for your helper in Singapore), tagging along with me. And being the younger of 2 girls, I guess my mother was a bit more experienced by the time it was my turn!

I don't think there is a 'right' age for any kid. It varies kid to kid. I know kids who have been doing it earlier and I also know kids who are probably 10-years old but still have someone accompanying them. I think we are super lucky to be in an environment where 'safety' is given utmost importance and that further enables us to make our kids more independent.

Till date every time I find my way around in a new city, or adapt myself to any situation, I thank my parents for putting me through a lot of harsh situations as a child. Now am sure each of those incidents, only made me stronger and more mature.

And before I realised, I was done with my 5km run and the boy who made me think, was probably close to his destination!

Friday 7 November 2014

a 'Singapore' way of life...

I think anyone who has lived in Singapore (long enough) may relate a bit more to this than the others...

When I moved here from Dubai, I was pretty sure life would be similar. I had anyway heard of great similarities between the two countries, probably they both could compete closely on who offers a better way of life! So I was pretty prepared to settle down fast. 
Dubai skyline from our home


Dubai of course got me used to certain luxuries ...luxury cars, enough domestic help, flexible work hours, good Indian food (literally anywhere anytime), tax free country, watching Hindi movies even before it released in India (luxury of a Friday weekend), Hindi FM stations (not 1 but 4)....and tonnes of other small things that I never even considered a luxury till I got here!

I had got used to grocery stores remaining open 24 hours (I mean the 'small' neighborhood supermarkets, they would even deliver a matchbox or pack of cigarettes to your home at 1am), stock all kinds of groceries (catering to every nationality and mind you Dubai has close to 93% expat population and a very mixed lot as well). So after living there five years, my life had become quite easy (probably easier than India).

While here everybody would often tell me, that Dubai is far from reality but after living here, I can now say this life is a bit more unreal. In Dubai, I didn't need to organise my life a week ahead, I could have an 'unplanned' day, a cab driver could refuse me, I could be stuck in a traffic jam and I could decide my dinner menu at 4pm!

So when I moved here, I presumed the same. So many Indians (of course I never then knew the difference between a Singaporean Indian vs expat Indian), so life should be similar.

As days went by, I could see the difference! Good or bad, it was different! Though some things in Singapore I felt grounded us a bit more- locals and the expats had a common life (to some extent- atleast we use the same public transport, you do mingle and work closely with them at your workplace), the whole 'value' for money aspect was far more prevalent here than in Dubai, living in condo's and having a 'normal' upbringing (like what a lot of us went through in childhood), lot of open space..So it started to seem more acceptable.

 But for someone who juggled and lived by the day, I was pushed to living a more 'organised' life. I had to plan for a week now (be it groceries, sending out a dinner invite, fixing a play date- well honestly there are times even now, I struggle with that). It was very rare that such things happened randomly. In my initial days, I wondered why my door bell never rang out of the blue, I wondered why friends wouldn't drop by without an appointment, I wondered why kids would not intercom at play time! And then it sunk in, this was the  Singapore 'way' of life.
Singapore skyline from our home!


My day would always go as planned, I wouldn't have a fight with someone on the road or at a supermarket, I couldn't pass a week without planning my groceries! Even a trip to Mustafa had to be planned. Forget the trip, even the list had to be well-made or else you will land up spending half your day there just scouting for things. I actually now spend 10 minutes only making an 'efficient' list, so I can shop there more efficiently!

For friends in Dubai, Mustafa the local version of 'Lulu' but probably ten times bigger. For friends in Singapore, 'Lulu' is a way of life in Dubai. But there are tonnes of Lulu's spread across the city, so you are not heading only to one!

After Dubai, my trips to Mustafa didn't seem like a luxury. I would find all the 'odd times' to go there- 9am, 1:30pm (so it feels a bit empty and I feel a sense of luxury shopping there). I know friends who go there even at 10pm (its open 24 hours, 365 days) and bundle in a breakfast for myself at Little India (I have to go all that far to eat a yummy dosa!), so it motivates me better!

Mustafa is just a small example that highlights how organised we are here! After staying here five years, I have surely given in to the 'Singapore way of life'! I am surely good at making my lists now, I do get surprised if my intercom rings at an odd hour and I try and get my dinner invites out a week in advance! And I am sure if I head back to Dubai, I may struggle with that 'unstructured' life!

Monday 3 November 2014

life moves on....

A few days ago, I got a mail from a friend in Dubai, talking about her potential move to Singapore. It took me a second to read and register as she is someone I thought who always belonged to Dubai (because of her work, her length of stay there), and then I felt maybe I was in the same boat a few years ago...and today I can say I survived it!

When we first moved out of India to Dubai in 2004, the feeling then was more of 'an opportunity' out of India. Though I don't think Dubai was the most favoured destinations then, it was just kind of opening up. Apart from my husband's job, I was probably more excited that I had also managed to get a job through the same firm I was working with in India and was going to be setting up their Dubai office. For those who don't know me (well enough), during my PR days in Bangalore, I was part of the founding team of two PR firms, that today are rated amongst the top 15 firms in India. So I was pretty 'bitten' by the start-up bug and I think it was only an impetus that I needed to start my own!

So when we landed in Dubai, there was too much excitement about settling in a new country, new job, new challenges that came along. For me professionally, it was probably the best five years of my life. While there, I had the opportunity of starting my own PR firm (watermelon pr), that taught me everything about work (from being an efficient office assistant to an able boss). 

I still recollect that coffee meeting I had with an old (journalist) colleague-cum-friend at the end of which he had convinced me to start 'watermelon pr'. Every client and every employee we added, was probably our biggest high! The numbers at the end of the year, felt just like a reward for all the hard work! Those 5 years at work and every campaign we handled (big or small) taught me true lessons of what it takes to build a brand and this time it was our own!

And then one day, I was told that we needed to move to Singapore. The feelings were mixed this time. Though I had my elder daughter by then, I had a firm that I had built from scratch and parting from it was equally tough. There were fears that it shouldn't fail, all the hard work mustn't go waste. But there was also a 'hope' somewhere, that this would probably be the true test of 'my start-up'. Has it really matured? Can it survive without me? That was anyway always my 'ultimate' goal. So it was time to look ahead and move on (atleast for me). 

Though when I moved to Singapore, our plan was to set-up a Singapore chapter, I wasn't so sure this time (of myself). We seemed a bit late for this market and I felt a bit tired too! But nevertheless, we tried. And even those two years (of frustration after seeing  a lot of high's) probably left me a better person!

I had some 'tough' decisions to take for myself. Is this what I really wanted to do all my life? Could I have a life out of work (considering I had never had one), could I survive it? And yes, now when I look back, I can say I made it!

I can proudly say that Singapore has given me my best 'personal' phase! A phase where I did so much for my home, my kids, myself (my weight loss phase, my running phase and now my writing phase...). A life I had never thought of while working. Probably, I thank the many moves I made as a child (due to my dad's nature of work), that gave me the ability to adapt and move on and never look back!

And, when I replied back to my friend's mail answering questions on Singapore, I felt I belong here and I am ready to call this place 'Home'.

And while I write this blog, soon watermelon pr will enter it's 10th year, and for me this is the biggest victory.It is today probably rated amongst the top 10 PR firms in Dubai and is 'not' resting on me!