Monday 15 December 2014

so what's in a name...

literally! what's in a name?? every time you meet someone, and the first thing you exchange is a name! Strangely a lot can be said about the person from the name, atleast the country I come from, more often than not you can.

I read this piece recently and it got me thinking.. http://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2014/11/changing-surnames-after-marriage/

We had some friends over for lunch yesterday. And coincidentally this topic came up again. It was already on my mind, and I was only waiting for those 'free 20' minutes to put it all together...

After all these years, today I prefer to be called by my 'short name'. My full name is hardly used (except on my legal status). 

I have had huge debates when I got married to retain my maiden name. But legally then, the process was 'easier' if I shifted to my 'married' name. And so the shift was made. I always felt it should be a matter of 'choice'. Even whether you decide to take on your dad or mums' name or sometimes both. 

The solution could be that when you turn 18 years, you get to make that choice. Thankfully, I had parents who had the same family name, so the debate never arose for me. But in my kids case, I have added my family name to theirs. I am not sure what they will retain or drop it when they marry, but I would like that decision to be made out of choice!

More often I am also questioned on why I named my elder girl 'Zoya'. This name is associated with a certain race (that I or my spouse don't belong to). It was tough for family and friends (then) to accept it. But we thought very 'openly'. The moment we heard the name, we loved it. The meaning was even more beautiful. We never once looked at it from a 'racial' perspective. Was that my 'forward thinking' or was it me living at that point in Dubai and being used to hearing that name? I am not sure. 

My younger one carries a more 'normal' Indian name-Ira, thought this often gets twisted to 'Era' or 'Aira'.

We often have debates at home on this whole 'family name' topic. And of course my voice is a bit strong on this issue.  Seeing the Chinese system, where the middle name is often the family name, we have even got school letters addressed to the dad as 'Aditya Menon Gupta'. It thrills my daughters to see my name tagged along to their father's. But India, this is close to impossible.

I don't think there is 'one' right answer to this issue. Every society probably follows a different norm. But I still feel, the individual should have the 'choice' that they can make at a later stage in life.

Monday 8 December 2014

i survived....

I had no plans to write this blog but a close friend asked me this morning "where is the blog on your run yesterday"... I thought it may be boring to read again and again on my runs but on second thoughts this one was different and probably for the first time the feelings of completing this run was mixed!

I normally feel like a 'winner' after each run but yesterday after completing my 10km run at The Standard Chartered Marathon Singapore 2014, I felt like a 'survivor'.
The Salveo Mantra runners

A few months back, 4 of us from our running club- Salveo Mantra decided to run this race. I had run a 10km run a few weeks back, so it wasn't that unnerving for me (well that's what I thought)! But the day had different plans for me!

This category had 27,000 people running this year. For a second, I felt like I was running a 100 mt race. Is it that easy to run a 10km?? Getting to the 'start' line took us 25 minutes. So the frustrations had already set in. The sun was blazing at 7:30am!

The previous night while chatting with my husband, he had advised me that my goal with this race should be to better my time by 5-7 minutes as compared to my last run. So that was the goal I set out with in the morning.

Two kilometers into my run, and I could feel the pressure of the sun! I knew this 'run' was going to be tough. I had to reset my goals! So I decided to switch off my Runtastic and my borrowed Garmin watch. This race wasn't anymore about pace or speed. It was now all about just getting to the finish line. I just had to complete this race. 

I don't know if it was the heat, the crowd, the route but it all seemed to add up. At several points I gave up and started walking. Something I have never done since I started running. All through I had several thoughts that pushed me- thoughts of the Half and Full Marathon runners, if they could, then I should surely try to finish mine, of my running club friends, hope they were fine and hanging on.

Was it just me giving up? Thankfully it wasn't. I had tonnes of people around me in walking mode. Struggling and pulling myself I got to the finish line. Though when I reached the finish line, this time around I was more relieved than excited. Strangely, even my timing wasn't all that bad after all considering I walked so much!

As I walked home from the train station, I had tonnes of people smiling at me seeing my 10km bib! I felt like a proud school girl returning home with a medal that I could show off to my two little girls! My feeling of disappointment had changed to a sense of pride.

My running in this race may have had a purpose. It probably made me mentally a bit more stronger. My determination was put to test yesterday. Will it be a half marathon next? Only time will tell....

Friday 5 December 2014

the joy of playing..

Normally when I write my blog, I write my piece first and then figure out the title (like how PR people are used to writing). But today for the first time, I knew my title before what I was going to write...

A few days back while chatting with my friends, a sudden idea to play badminton sprung up. So after all the logistics were worked, out, we managed to find 2 'suitable' days to play. We also decided to keep it simple, and start playing at the court in our complex (though it's not the standard court size). We promised ourselves that if we manage to sustain, then we shall venture out and play at a 'professional' court.

And so we got going. The first few sessions were tough. Thankfully most of us are at the same level, so the sense of achievement when you play is high!

For me personally, this game has a special spot. Most people wouldn't know that I was part of the Maharashtra (under-14 category) team when in school. It saw me travel to play tournaments (in those days, travel meant by non-AC sleeper class, some times unreserved too). But it probably gave me my biggest high. I wasn't the greatest in studies, and the feeling to excel (even if it was in a sport), was a great morale booster. I still remember craving for my 'first' Yonex racquet. I had to wait more than two years as it was out of reach for me (financially and geographically- Yonex wasn't available in India those days).

The three years I played 'serious' badminton, taught me some good lessons of success and failure. The agony of being alone at tournaments (with no family around) and hiding the tears after losing was never easy. In hindsight, those experiences probably toughened me up.

My departure from the game was equally painful. A torn ligament, with clear instructions from the doctor to stay away from 'strenuous' physical activity for a year, took me away from the game. I still recollect the train journey I took from Pune-Mumbai (all by myself), after injuring my foot at a tournament at the National Defence Academy (Khadakvasla). Throughout that 2-hour journey, I had tears (for losing out) and bigger fears on what the future holds for me. I hadn't seen anything beyond the sport in those three years.

But like everything, life is always sorted. A few years later, all this just remained a memory. While talking to my 7-year old and telling her how excited I am to get back to the game, I think she could see the glow in my eyes. Of course, she still can't believe that I had to wait for two years to earn my first Yonex racquet!

Monday 1 December 2014

a new start....

The other day I threw a question at my 7-year old! I asked her to list festivals in 'her' order of preference...her order went as follows:
- Diwali
- X'Mas
- Halloween
- Onam
- Holi (and she specified I haven't really experienced this as yet!)

Of course as a typical Indian, this list is not ideal but seeing the way she has been brought up and exposed to different cultures, this list is truly ideal. Anyway that's not what I am going to touch upon today..

A few months back, we (me and a few close friends) were casually scanning the list of marathons in Singapore (of course to see what we could run next), and our eyes fell on the 'Santa Run for Wishes'. Immediately, we thought why can't we the kids run this one! 2.2km for the 7-year old's and 5km for the 10-year old's! It seemed like the perfect fit.
10-year old's Anya and Eshaan who ran their 1st 5km

And then over the next few weeks, the kids had some fun times while training. Loop runs, early morning wake ups, weekend runs, pulling them out of play time on weekdays... sometimes it was even tough. But we felt that the kids were ready for this and it would be a thrilling experience for them.

The race day arrived, and we had made pairs (of parents) to run with the kids. Tonnes of parents and kids had landed up for the race. It turned out to be a 'wet evening' and probably that was the biggest joy! Our first run in the rain!

I don't think any of the kids realised how 'big' an achievement this was in itself. I ran my 1st marathon at 38 years and these kids at 7 years and 10 years...I probably had a bigger smile at the end of this race than at the completion of my 1st 5km marathon. Though the 7-year old's were far more excited about the carnival post the race. 
7-year old's Zoya (left) and Anaika (right)

I personally believe that finishing any race is far more important than how well you do. I ran my worst in my first race and over time it has only got better.

As we enter the month of 'wishes', I hope this is the start of something new for all these kids. For some of them even their first medal! 

We of course celebrated this 'victory' as a family and I also wondered had I not been into my fitness regime, would my girl have still run this race?

And strangely, the christmas tree at our home is up a month in advance, just like our lights were up for Diwali a month before the festival. So my girl's preference of festivals may not be all that wrong! 

Tuesday 25 November 2014

strange ways of life...

.....and there are some faces that I see every morning... people I 'see' at my morning run, mum and dads at my kids bus stops, the bus driver for my kids' buses, the bus aunty's (familiar name for most of us in Singapore- bus attendants are 'old' granny's). 

My day starts starts with the smiles and hellos I exchange with these people. They are strangers yet i feel they are part of my daily life... I don't know any of their names, yet my eyes look out for them every morning.

Today when I went to drop off my little one at school, I saw a grandfather in the same bus going to drop off his grandson. For many weeks, we have been exchanging smiles but have never really spoken. Today, the uncle sat near me and we got chatting. Of course the conversation varied from my daughter to his grandchild, their schools, his moving to Singapore.While we spoke, he asked me a question " Do I see a difference in both my kids?" My answer was a prompt "Yes and added, what works for one, never works for the other." It just shows how different two people from the same household can be. To which he added, " God does an excellent quality control job."

The uncle told me about a personal tragedy that had shaken their home in the last 12 months. I wondered why he told me. After all, I was his companion only for that bus ride. When it was time for him to get off, he surely wasn't a stranger to me, yet we never exchanged names.

This meeting left a void in me. It got me thinking. We all live the same way but our circumstances are so varied. All my problems (for that moment), seemed so meager. I probably should stop cribbing about my day-to-day life and look at the larger picture.

Last weekend, I also met an old lady probably in her 60's, who I have been seeing most Saturday mornings when I go for my run. She struggles to run but doesn't give up. This time we exchanged smiles..as i crossed her, I felt I knew her a 'wee' bit better.

Both these acquaintances, had an impact on me. One a bit deeper. I will look out for the uncle every morning now and hope to exchange a bit more than a smile as days go by...


Wednesday 19 November 2014

i can see the gaps....

Today was a big day for me! An off the cuff field trip with my 7-year old's class on a 'rainy' day! As per the brief, I was at her class at 9am! Just while passing time, my eyes fell on the noticeboard. I could see some of their recent work pinned up.

Their latest Unit of inquiry (UOI) is based on transportation. For me even the term UOI was a bit unique at the onset..I was more prepared for 'chapter names' and a 'textbook' to follow...But the methodology has been of 'innovation, imagination and research.
UOI work pinned up on the board!


So to come back to the pin-up board..the exercise included every kid to come up with an innovative mode of transport and elaborate on its USP! Of course  the 'curious' mother in me, first looked for my daughter's work, and then scanned through most of the others. No one answer was the same. For a start for me, that was 'startling'. If it was my school days, this would have been unacceptable. But in the current scenario, they were all 'right'.

I had tonnes of thoughts running through my mind (even during the field trip)..In my growing up years, and the system of education I followed, I was always taught that there was only either a 'right' or a 'wrong'. There was never a mid-path or a choice to think differently. It was always about referring to existing information and ensuring that you imbibe that to the best! Never about imagination and research...There was always a pressure to do well, stay ahead of others and never look back!

And when I see our kids, I see a 'big' difference today. It's not about how better you are than the others, but more about if you are giving your best; it's more about you thinking to your maximum.     

I recollect several conversations I had with my parents for not being given a 'choice' on what I wish to study. You were either good or bad! The average student would always be lost in the pool!

It's taken me a while to get used to this system. I often try to weigh her vis-a-vis other kids, I try to see where she lacks, I try to push her... but every time I do that, I feel I may be repeating some of the errors that happened with me. She's lucky to 'not' be in that rat race and to 'not' feel the pressure. And I hope this will bring out the best in her!

I am not sure which system is better. We survived (and probably thrived) in our system. But even today when I try and look for that 'one' right way in every situation, I am constantly reminded by my girl it may not be the 'only' way.

I still freak out when I see 'less' homework for the week and create my own worksheets! I still haven't reached the mode where I can 'chill' or more let 'her' chill..

I am  (still not sure) hoping this is the 'right approach' to growing up! The fact that it's okay to experiment and everyone is 'right' has taken me a while to accept.

I often felt a gap at some stage between my parents and me, and I see it setting in between me and my daughter now!

Wednesday 12 November 2014

so when is the right time!

As I went for my run early this morning, I had a cluster of thoughts in my mind...mind you this is at 6:10am! Things like what's my agenda for today, hope I get back before the kids wake up, my Standard Chartered 10km marathon run next month- will I be able to run comfortably! That's probably the only time of the day, I don't look at my phone and have a clear 'thinking mind'.
The bay side @ Tanjong Rhu


I was somewhere half-way through my run and I saw a young boy (I think he would be about 10-11 years old) walking to school (alone), holding two heavy bags. It was around 6:20am and it was dark! The direction he was walking towards looked like he was heading to the nearest train station! For a second it was unbelievable!

And then I thought, would our kids ever do something like this (or rather would we let them do it?). I have done it in my life, but would I let my kids do it was the bigger question!

Immediately my mind rewound to a a discussion at our home 6 months ago. My then 'going to be' 7-year old, claimed one morning, that she would like to walk back home 'alone' from the bus stop every afternoon! I took a 'deep breadth' and told myself maybe I should take her seriously. And the 'mother' in me said, "that's primarily the biggest agenda in my day..am I ready for it as yet?" But I felt that if I can't do it in Singapore, I probably couldn't do it anywhere else in the world! So I probably need to take the step now...

And so our daily routine started. We avoided telling the 'father' for nearly a week as we both wanted to get used to this routine first. And it worked well. I suddenly realised that my girl was growing up and it was time for me to start 'letting go'. The bus stop got extended to going to the playground by herself, the minimart (located in our basement), even to friend's homes (wherever she was comfortable to go by herself).

I don't recollect when I started doing all this by myself. Maybe even earlier. I anyway never had an 'aunty' (typical name for your helper in Singapore), tagging along with me. And being the younger of 2 girls, I guess my mother was a bit more experienced by the time it was my turn!

I don't think there is a 'right' age for any kid. It varies kid to kid. I know kids who have been doing it earlier and I also know kids who are probably 10-years old but still have someone accompanying them. I think we are super lucky to be in an environment where 'safety' is given utmost importance and that further enables us to make our kids more independent.

Till date every time I find my way around in a new city, or adapt myself to any situation, I thank my parents for putting me through a lot of harsh situations as a child. Now am sure each of those incidents, only made me stronger and more mature.

And before I realised, I was done with my 5km run and the boy who made me think, was probably close to his destination!

Friday 7 November 2014

a 'Singapore' way of life...

I think anyone who has lived in Singapore (long enough) may relate a bit more to this than the others...

When I moved here from Dubai, I was pretty sure life would be similar. I had anyway heard of great similarities between the two countries, probably they both could compete closely on who offers a better way of life! So I was pretty prepared to settle down fast. 
Dubai skyline from our home


Dubai of course got me used to certain luxuries ...luxury cars, enough domestic help, flexible work hours, good Indian food (literally anywhere anytime), tax free country, watching Hindi movies even before it released in India (luxury of a Friday weekend), Hindi FM stations (not 1 but 4)....and tonnes of other small things that I never even considered a luxury till I got here!

I had got used to grocery stores remaining open 24 hours (I mean the 'small' neighborhood supermarkets, they would even deliver a matchbox or pack of cigarettes to your home at 1am), stock all kinds of groceries (catering to every nationality and mind you Dubai has close to 93% expat population and a very mixed lot as well). So after living there five years, my life had become quite easy (probably easier than India).

While here everybody would often tell me, that Dubai is far from reality but after living here, I can now say this life is a bit more unreal. In Dubai, I didn't need to organise my life a week ahead, I could have an 'unplanned' day, a cab driver could refuse me, I could be stuck in a traffic jam and I could decide my dinner menu at 4pm!

So when I moved here, I presumed the same. So many Indians (of course I never then knew the difference between a Singaporean Indian vs expat Indian), so life should be similar.

As days went by, I could see the difference! Good or bad, it was different! Though some things in Singapore I felt grounded us a bit more- locals and the expats had a common life (to some extent- atleast we use the same public transport, you do mingle and work closely with them at your workplace), the whole 'value' for money aspect was far more prevalent here than in Dubai, living in condo's and having a 'normal' upbringing (like what a lot of us went through in childhood), lot of open space..So it started to seem more acceptable.

 But for someone who juggled and lived by the day, I was pushed to living a more 'organised' life. I had to plan for a week now (be it groceries, sending out a dinner invite, fixing a play date- well honestly there are times even now, I struggle with that). It was very rare that such things happened randomly. In my initial days, I wondered why my door bell never rang out of the blue, I wondered why friends wouldn't drop by without an appointment, I wondered why kids would not intercom at play time! And then it sunk in, this was the  Singapore 'way' of life.
Singapore skyline from our home!


My day would always go as planned, I wouldn't have a fight with someone on the road or at a supermarket, I couldn't pass a week without planning my groceries! Even a trip to Mustafa had to be planned. Forget the trip, even the list had to be well-made or else you will land up spending half your day there just scouting for things. I actually now spend 10 minutes only making an 'efficient' list, so I can shop there more efficiently!

For friends in Dubai, Mustafa the local version of 'Lulu' but probably ten times bigger. For friends in Singapore, 'Lulu' is a way of life in Dubai. But there are tonnes of Lulu's spread across the city, so you are not heading only to one!

After Dubai, my trips to Mustafa didn't seem like a luxury. I would find all the 'odd times' to go there- 9am, 1:30pm (so it feels a bit empty and I feel a sense of luxury shopping there). I know friends who go there even at 10pm (its open 24 hours, 365 days) and bundle in a breakfast for myself at Little India (I have to go all that far to eat a yummy dosa!), so it motivates me better!

Mustafa is just a small example that highlights how organised we are here! After staying here five years, I have surely given in to the 'Singapore way of life'! I am surely good at making my lists now, I do get surprised if my intercom rings at an odd hour and I try and get my dinner invites out a week in advance! And I am sure if I head back to Dubai, I may struggle with that 'unstructured' life!

Monday 3 November 2014

life moves on....

A few days ago, I got a mail from a friend in Dubai, talking about her potential move to Singapore. It took me a second to read and register as she is someone I thought who always belonged to Dubai (because of her work, her length of stay there), and then I felt maybe I was in the same boat a few years ago...and today I can say I survived it!

When we first moved out of India to Dubai in 2004, the feeling then was more of 'an opportunity' out of India. Though I don't think Dubai was the most favoured destinations then, it was just kind of opening up. Apart from my husband's job, I was probably more excited that I had also managed to get a job through the same firm I was working with in India and was going to be setting up their Dubai office. For those who don't know me (well enough), during my PR days in Bangalore, I was part of the founding team of two PR firms, that today are rated amongst the top 15 firms in India. So I was pretty 'bitten' by the start-up bug and I think it was only an impetus that I needed to start my own!

So when we landed in Dubai, there was too much excitement about settling in a new country, new job, new challenges that came along. For me professionally, it was probably the best five years of my life. While there, I had the opportunity of starting my own PR firm (watermelon pr), that taught me everything about work (from being an efficient office assistant to an able boss). 

I still recollect that coffee meeting I had with an old (journalist) colleague-cum-friend at the end of which he had convinced me to start 'watermelon pr'. Every client and every employee we added, was probably our biggest high! The numbers at the end of the year, felt just like a reward for all the hard work! Those 5 years at work and every campaign we handled (big or small) taught me true lessons of what it takes to build a brand and this time it was our own!

And then one day, I was told that we needed to move to Singapore. The feelings were mixed this time. Though I had my elder daughter by then, I had a firm that I had built from scratch and parting from it was equally tough. There were fears that it shouldn't fail, all the hard work mustn't go waste. But there was also a 'hope' somewhere, that this would probably be the true test of 'my start-up'. Has it really matured? Can it survive without me? That was anyway always my 'ultimate' goal. So it was time to look ahead and move on (atleast for me). 

Though when I moved to Singapore, our plan was to set-up a Singapore chapter, I wasn't so sure this time (of myself). We seemed a bit late for this market and I felt a bit tired too! But nevertheless, we tried. And even those two years (of frustration after seeing  a lot of high's) probably left me a better person!

I had some 'tough' decisions to take for myself. Is this what I really wanted to do all my life? Could I have a life out of work (considering I had never had one), could I survive it? And yes, now when I look back, I can say I made it!

I can proudly say that Singapore has given me my best 'personal' phase! A phase where I did so much for my home, my kids, myself (my weight loss phase, my running phase and now my writing phase...). A life I had never thought of while working. Probably, I thank the many moves I made as a child (due to my dad's nature of work), that gave me the ability to adapt and move on and never look back!

And, when I replied back to my friend's mail answering questions on Singapore, I felt I belong here and I am ready to call this place 'Home'.

And while I write this blog, soon watermelon pr will enter it's 10th year, and for me this is the biggest victory.It is today probably rated amongst the top 10 PR firms in Dubai and is 'not' resting on me!
 

Tuesday 28 October 2014

..my fastest 4km this morning!

..As of last night I had no idea what I was going to write about next..totally blank! But like in the past, I knew something somewhere will click in my head..which is what happened this morning..

I landed (as per my routine) at the gym, and waited (longer than usual) for a turn on the treadmill. Let me warn you, running on the treadmill is 'not' one of my favourite pastimes. 

Garden by the Bay
I live in an area that has enough outdoor space and so running indoors for me would only be to ensure I run at a consistent speed or because I can't make it outdoors early mornings! 

I have to (mentally) prepare myself for the day I need to run in the gym (and on weekdays I can't run outside because of the kids school routine and early mornings being the 'peak' hour in our home).


When i run outdoors, I run 5km now (smoothly), but when I run in the gym, I struggle to do my 4km! So today since I got the treadmill late, I decided to run a bit faster so I can finish faster and get some quiet time at home before my younger one gets back from school! My usual speed is 8.3 or 8.5, today I decided to run on 8.7 and wanted to see how far I could go...Mind you, even the speed of 8.3 was a 'dream' for me till 6 months ago...

As I started running and watching people around me (I do that only so I can pass time on the treadmill, apart from listening to my 'mundane' playlist that has been my only constant through my running journey and find a way to not look at the treadmill reading), I wondered what 'motivated' everybody who was there! 

Am sure everyone had their own reason for just being there. For someone it maybe their 'me time', for some it may be 'to stay fit', others it may be to just 'stay sane', may be a routine to 'meet friends' and for some this helps them 'fit into a dress', . I am not sure where I fit in. I think I am there everyday for a different reason or maybe all of the above!

The Sunday Times, dated Oct 26, 2014
Just then my mind flash-backed to a story I had read in 'The Sunday Times' dated October 26, 2014 titled "Secrets of weight loss revealed". The Health Promotion Board (Singapore), had recently announced a campaign- "One million KG challenge" - first incentive-based weight management programme.

Some of the winners stories were very interesting. One lady didn't even know she had enrolled for this programme, she thought it was an extension of her existing weight loss programme and it was mandatory and hence took it on! Another guy, plays his favourite games on his iPAD while cycling after failed attempts to jog or exercise. And each of these people, have lost weight the 'right' way'. One of the participants in fact said, " I tried to force myself to jog and go to the gym but realised that unless you really like the activity, your determination will eventually fade".

That is what 'stayed' in my head. No one can be pushed. This activity can only sustain if it's done through self-motivation and determination.
My reading this morning!

By the time i finished my 4km run, my blog for today was pretty clear in my head! And probably that was my 'motivation' for today...to run my fastest 4km! But I still have an 'unfulfilled' wish of running a 5km on the treadmill. Inshallah that day will also come soon!

Friday 24 October 2014

and this movie moved me...

..and with kids at home for their school break and Diwali, i struggled to even get near my laptop. I had enough things jumbled up in my head, but never got that 'undisturbed' 15 minutes to pen it all down...

One of our (Zoya and my) holiday activities was to watch a few (pending) movies. One of them was Mary Kom. It was a movie we had (easily) skipped watching in the theatre (now I wonder why, considering for Bhaag Milkha Bhaag, we made a lot of effort!!).

I started watching the movie with no expectations. Enough reviews had been read, friends had talked about it, so this was meant to be a more time-pass affair for both of us.

So as the movie progressed, surprisingly we got hooked on! For Zoya it was an eye-opener. She was first time seeing issues like curfew, rebels, so there were a lot of questions from her end. During the movie, we talked a lot about 'states in India', which state she belongs to, why the Manipuri's looked more Chinese and not Indian!

Having seen 'Bhaag Milkha Bhaag', one had a bit of an idea of how tough the life for a sportsperson could be. But in Mary Kom's case I felt some thing's were a wee bit different
- the sport was not popular
- she came from a 'troubled state'
- hardly any family support
- AND she was a pursuing a sport that hardly seen any Indian woman succeed..

Some things I felt came out far more strongly in this movie. Her return to the boxing arena after having kids, must have been emotionally and physically so tough for her! And despite the obstacles, to excel in your sport is another ball game all together. I think it clearly shows the 'constant struggle' that women go through while they are multitasking. You are constantly stretched to give your best to both your worlds.

This movie clearly shows how tough it is to succeed when the going gets tough . I am sure India has 'tonnes' of Mary Kom who probably go by unrecognized.

For once, this movie wasn't about the 'actor' and more about the real woman! It left me thinking for a few hours...




Wednesday 15 October 2014

so how do you know you are right!

When i started blogging, i wondered when would i really 'think and write'..do i have the time and the mindset? Well strangely as it all started both fell into place. I would think anywhere- while running, walking in a mall, doing my groceries, traveling by bus....

Anyway today's topic has nothing to do with the above...as a mother am sure we all go through a million questions in our head daily. Am i doing the right thing for my kid? Was my decision correct? Did i react the right way? Would my mum have handled this the same way? And i guess it gets more challenging as they grow..

A few months ago, someone asked me "So when do you plan to start pre-school for Ira?" She was probably 18 months then. And for a second I was a bit taken aback. Why would I put her in school so soon? I am home, so why should she get there this fast? I started my elder one when she was 2 years old (as I was a full-time working mum then), so the younger one could surely get a bit more time! I was totally at peace with my decision and months passed.

Then after she crossed two, I could sense the need from her end (mind you this time it wasn't from my end!). She eagerly waited to meet other kids (unfortunately she met more 6-year old's than kids her own age), she was ever ready to go somewhere in the morning. So this time, I was more prepared (that's what I thought) and got her enrolled into a pre-school (same one my elder one had attended so the comfort of the bus staff, school staff etc was very high).

Over time as a parent, you feel that you learn a lot from your elder one's upbringing (well that's what we think) and want to play it perfectly with the younger one! This was one of the decisions that I thought I was right about but alas wasn't!

Inspite of being a full-time working mother, I struggled to pick up and drop my elder one (even during office hours) but refrained from putting her on the bus (saying it takes too long, she's too small etc). I did the pick up and drop till she was three years old. 

So when it was Ira's turn, I thought I should correct some of my earlier mistakes and do things differently. When Ira got to pre-school we decided we are going to put her on the bus (both ways) from day 1, I spent only a day with her (instead of a week) in her class during the parent-student orientation week (my thought was she shouldn't get used to me being around and in this case I was right!)

And she was all set to get onto the bus and spend three hours at school. Every morning putting her on the bus would be a struggle (and I thought it would be the easiest since she had an elder sister to follow, she's been seeing her go for the last 2 years and blah and blah and blah)...I was so wrong in this case! This went on for more than a month. I would see her go crying but come back super happy!

One day I decided to break the routine and take her to school myself (by the public bus). We sang songs, we chatted, we walked and it was all fine. We continued this trend for a few more days. And she was super happy to be dropped off, to take that public bus every morning and wave a 'big' bye to me once she entered class!

And wow, I was wrong again! My formula of putting her on that school bus, thinking she is very independent, social etc and so will get used to it was wrong! She proved to me that every kid needs that time and space and as a mother you just may not be right with all the decisions you take! And it's fine to correct yourself and move on!

Now every morning our biggest excitement is that bus ride together and it's probably the best 15 minutes of my day!!

Saturday 11 October 2014

a lesson of life learnt (unknowingly).....

Anaika and Zoya
A few days ago, when I went to drop off my 2-1/2 year old at her pre-school, I came across a poster. It was the announcement of 'ARTopia'- the biggest charity art fair that her pre-school organises every year. From my past experience (my elder one was at the same pre-school couple of years ago), this is probably one of their most well-organised/structured events. So on my way back home, I quickly dropped an e-mail to the Principal. I just had an idea!

My elder one (Zoya) and her BFF (Anaika) along with a few friends have in the past organised 2-3 garage sales (don't think they realise, but they have done a pretty good job at it!) in our condo. Held almost every six months, they would sell all their old toys, books, clothes and top it up with cake and lemonade at nothing more than $2/- each!!! They are even ready to part with some of the stuff at 0.50 cents. More importantly than raising money for charity, I think they got 'used' to the habit of giving away their stuff. And mind you, they have never realised this, but every event of theirs managed to raise a decent amount of money (that can be proudly donated).

So to come back to my idea, I thought why not get these girls into action again. The cause was noble and Zoya had a connection with that school. The school was highly excited to have one of their alumni participate. I got the girls excited and we thought we were all sorted.

So all the back-end was done. We had some dear friends give us some of their old books and toys. The girls were all set to roll! That's what we thought!

Their 'little charity stall
We landed at the school venue, set-up our stall and waited for people to flow in. The girls were all pepped up (though a bit shy)! Just then, we noticed another set of parents and kids near us (bake-stall volunteers) standing at the entrance to give-away coupons for the bake stall (mind you valued at $10). As parents and kids walked in, these volunteers were able to push their coupons on the visitors. Very few turned towards our stall (and all our books were priced at $1 and @ 2/- only). 

  

I could see the disappointment setting in. I kept encouraging the girls (literally felt like a life coach for a while)! In my mind, I didn't want to push the girls or the parents. I wanted the people to walk up to us and buy willingly! So I never asked the girls to get aggressive (not that they would have listened to me!). What I didn't realise was, these girls were actually observing the bake-stall volunteers and had got thinking!

A few minutes later I saw the two girls telling the bake-stall head, "We bought your bake stall coupons, maybe you should buy a book from us." And that worked! He sent his kids to our stall to buy the books and then I suddenly saw teachers and parents buying from us.

So what had these girls done? They had actually started walking up to people and informing them about their stall. They managed to convey the message of 'charity' and that they were donating their old books away. Without me pushing or teaching, they had learnt something new, moved out of their comfort zone (a strange environment), and were able to 'beautifully' (mind you not aggressively) communicate. They managed to raise a decent amount, the principal applauded both the girls for their 'enterprising attitude' and told me (separately) " this is such a lovely idea and wants to incorporate it in every charity-driven event organised by the school".

After yesterday's event and seeing the girls, I felt unknowingly they had learnt a few lessons of life (maybe something they wouldn't have learnt in their classroom). 

I was obviously a very happy soul yesterday and treated the girls to their favorite McDonalds dinner on our way back home!


Wednesday 8 October 2014

I got it too!


... and this is what we (PR) guys call a 'perfectly' drafted letter and a 'good' PR strategy.....

Good one Flipkart

-------------------------------------------
Dear Customer, 

Yesterday was a big day for us. And we really wanted it to be a great day for you. But at the end of the day, we know that your experience was less than pleasant. We did not live up to the promises we made and for that we are really and truly sorry. 

It took enormous effort from everyone at Flipkart, many months of preparation and pushing our capabilities and systems to the limit to be able to create this day. We were looking at fulfilling the dreams of millions of Indian consumers through deals and offers we had painstakingly put together for months. 

And though we saw unprecedented interest in our products and traffic like never before, we also realized that we were not adequately prepared for the sheer scale of the event. We didn't source enough products and deals in advance to cater to your requirements. To add to this, the load on our server led to intermittent outages, further impacting your shopping experience on our site. 

An unprecedented 1.5 million people shopped at Flipkart yesterday. While we stand humbled by the sheer faith that such a large number of customers have shown in us, we are unhappy that we were unable to live up to the expectations of millions more who wanted to buy from us yesterday. 

And this is not acceptable to us. 

Delighting you, and every single one of our customers, is absolutely the top most priority for Flipkart and we have worked very hard over the last seven years to earn your trust. Yesterday, we failed that trust. We have learnt some valuable lessons from this and have started working doubly hard to address all the issues that cropped up during this sale. 

Price Changes As we were preparing various deals and promotional pricing in the lead up to the sale, the pricing of several products got ?changed to their non-discounted rates for a few hours?. We realise that this breaks the trust our customers have put in us. We are truly sorry for this and will ensure that this never happens again. 

Out-of-stock Issues We ran out of the stock for many products within a few minutes (and in some cases, seconds) of the sale going live. For example, most of our special deals were sold out as soon as they went live. We had ensured availability, anywhere from hundreds to a few lakh units for various products, but it was nowhere near the actual demand. We promise to plan much better for future promotions and ensure that we minimise the out-of-stock issues. 

Cancellations We had large number of people buying specific products simultaneously. This led to some instances of an order getting over-booked for a product that was sold out just a few seconds ago. We are working round-the-clock to ensure availability of additional units for these products and will do our level best to ensure that we minimise any cancellations. 

Website Issues ?We realise that the shopping experience for many of you was frustrating due to errors and unavailability of the website at times. We had deployed nearly 5000 servers and had prepared for 20 times the traffic growth - but the volume of traffic at different times of the day was much higher than this. We are continuing to significantly scale up all our back end systems so that we do a much, much better job next time. 

Everything that we have achieved at Flipkart is purely on the basis of our customer's trust and faith. This is why we come to work each day and continue to remain extremely passionate about building the best possible customer experience for Indian consumers. We failed to live up to this promise yesterday and would like to apologise once again to every single customer for our failure. 

Thank you. 
Sachin and Binny







Monday 6 October 2014

a different outing!

A few days back, a dear friend- Karishma, asked me why I wasn't coming to the Pritam Concert (her firm was bringing the concert to Singapore). For those who don't know Pritam, he is one of the better known music composers in Bollywood (India's largest film industry) and has rendered some of the best music in the last 4-5 years.

And to come back to my dilemma, I had a flux of questions in my mind- a weekend eve, leave the kids and go (do I really need to), too much to co-ordinate? And then I thought, maybe I should just take Zoya (my 7-year old)..

Pritam performing live in Singapore
For those who don't know, Zoya is a mini-Bollywood fan in our home (a convert in the last 2 years). Her Hindi drastically improved because of her Bollywood interest! She probably is more updated on the songs on MTV India than me. More than just a 'hindi' movie song buff, her first question to any upcoming movie is,  "are we going to watch this film in the theatre or on DVD at home?" And so this seemed like a 'perfect Saturday evening plan'.

Guess you never realise that your kid is now ready to sit and enjoy something that you equally enjoy! The ease with which they watch an animated movie is now the same while watching a 'real world' cinema.


And so as per plan, Zoya and me were all set to go for the concert. Prior to the concert day, we did a quick brush up on Pritam's songs, and we figured that she was quite up to date on them (though she still had no idea who 'Pritam' was . And at her end, she had no idea even what a 'Bollywood concert' really was. So I decided to keep that bit a surprise.


And so we reached the venue. Just as we were walking in, I could see the 'twinkle' in her eyes, as though she was walking the red carpet!

My mind quickly rewound to 'my first concert' which was a Bryan Adams concert in the early 1990's in Mumbai. I clearly recollect, me probably being sent so my elder sister didn't have to go alone, and with a clear deadline to get back home on time. We probably managed to catch only 3-4 songs, but I was thrilled that I managed to hear  'Summer of 69'! That was the only song that I knew of then!

Anyway to come back to Zoya, we finally got to our seats. She was overwhelmed with the size of the auditorium, the stage, the lights, the musical instruments on the stage and still couldn't guess what was in store.

And then the show began. The lights came on, the music began and we had some great power-packed performances (thankfully a lot of Zoya's favorite songs). What came on, left her spellbound. She had never seen this kind of entertainment, loud music, people dancing, singers coming and interacting with the crowd, her favorite songs being rendered so powerfully. As the songs came on, you could see she was dazed.

In the first 15 minutes, she figured, who a music composer is, a singer is and the various people part of the band. She realised that composing a song was complicated and the true credit shouldn't go only to the stars but even to the composer, the singer and the band! I was glad! Now when she watches a song or movie, she will probably think a bit more!

It turned out to be a great evening for both of us. I was glad that I took this step and took her for her 'first' Bollywood concert. Like I can never forget my Bryan Adams concert, am sure this will also stay in her mind.

On our taxi ride back home, we both chatted on what a nice evening this was and I asked her if she would happily attend more concerts like this? And the answer was "oh yes and I hope along with Pritam, Deepika Padukone and Ranbir Kapoor also perform next time." Am glad, we had a 'date with a difference'.