a bit of here and there....

The other day my elder one got asked by her tennis coach, "Where are you from?". There was a 5-second pause from her end, and she answered, " I was born in Dubai, I live in Singapore now and for my summer breaks I go to my grandparents in India." There was no clear 'one' answer from her end.

In another incident, one of her dear friends from school was asked the same question. Though her passport is Australian, she prides on being Indian. It's common to see kids today with 'dual identities'. Born somewhere, spending their lives elsewhere...

When I was a kid, I spent most of my childhood moving places every 2-3 years (because of my dad's nature of work) within India. For a long time (and sometimes even now), I never had a clear cut answer when asked of my origin. Having spent half my life in Delhi (India's capital) and the other half in Bangalore (India's 'pub' capital- can never get myself to say Bengaluru), my answer was always a bit hazy. Though rightfully, I don't belong to either of these places! 

So that leaves me thinking- how do you decide where you belong to? Is it the place my family originates from or is it where I spent most of my life or is it where I have spent most of my married life? Strangely for me, my parents have never lived where I originate from, so it's even more confusing. 

For me home was where my parents lived! It changed every two years when I was growing up. It tossed between cities like Chennai, Hyderabad, Coimbatore and finally now Bangalore (where they settled after retirement)...

Because of my 'North Indian' (if I may say so) influences, I probably celebrate Diwali and Rakhi more than Onam and Vishu. I speak more fluent Hindi than Malayalam (though I am ever thankful to my days in Dubai for helping me brush up my Malayalam skills). 

So I often wonder, what's it going to be like for my kids? Will the Hindi get substituted by Chinese? Thankfully our affection towards Bollywood helps in keeping the 'Hindi' alive in the house. Malayalam- well we try and then we give up! But every time there is an argument in the house (between the dad and the girls), you can hear the girls screaming, "I am half Malayali". My younger one told my husband one day, "Its really sad you don't have a 'Menon' in your name. It just sounds cooler!"

Ironically today is Onam (a major festival for Keralites, the state I belong to in India). We wished each other 'Happy Onam' this morning and the husband treated me to an awesome Lebanese 'Onam' lunch.. Who says I am confused??

new-age back home!!!

I came across two blog pieces this week, that got me thinking in different directions..both related to new-age India! Both captured India's current mood but in very different ways.. An India I am far away from but yet yearn every year to go back to get my fill!!!

Bangalore, July 2015- As a typical (ex)-PR person, I spend a lot of time reading the newspaper (even today!).. I can't recollect when I read my last book but I still manage to spend over an hour daily reading the newspaper! It's a die-hard habit that I just can't let go....

One of my biggest agenda's when I travel back home, is to read up on the dailies everyday. Of course the choice now is way more. Every household has an average of 2-3 newspapers daily and strangely they all have different news! That's India!! The buzz and the action is way too much..Yes I long for it at times and I run away from it after I get my fill..

The buzz has only been changing over the years. If it was about capital markets and brick and mortar businesses a few years ago, today it's all about start-ups! And the sheer number of them around you, make it all seem so easy..

An interesting read I came across recently on the NDTV Blog- I'm 40 in a start-up world. What to do! Brilliantly captures India's mood today. You don't need to be a 'rich father's son' to start your own venture. You just need to be young and smart. A friend rightly said, " Silicon Valley is full of this". But for me (who has never been to Silicon Valley), this mood is exciting. It's hot today in India to run your own venture! It's fine to show off a plush home, fancy car, LV bag, an art collection...And probably my visits to the Silicon Valley of India every year make me sit up and notice- an ever changing India! Will I fit in somewhere there? Or am I still living in an India I left more than a decade ago? Only time will tell.....

Singapore, August 2015- Like every crazy fan of India's glamour world, I also followed the launch (online) of Twinkle Khanna's first book- Mrs Funnybones: She's Just Like You and a Lot Like Me, in Mumbai.

To rewind a bit, I started reading her columns when she started writing them more than a year ago. Like a typical PR guy, I confidently dismissed it as someone else's work. A Bollywood actress with this kind of wit and flair- seemed highly unlikely!! I even told friends, "wait and watch she will launch a book soon". But strangely she only got better with her columns and yes she launched a book!

Listed No 3 on Amazon India!

After ages, one could see the Indian media praising someone and writing good things (it's a rarity in India now to hear good things)... Her book launch only proved that Bollywood was her wrong calling and she had no qualms accepting it! Her answers in the rapid fire round proved she truly writes her stuff! Her writing represents the new-age Indian woman, who is confused, doesn't hesitate to ask a lot of questions and speaks her mind out even if it targets her mum, mother-in-law, husband or son!

Another NDTV blog that rightly captured her day and moment: Why Twinkle Khanna is just so damn likeable....

.......And yes I am a Twinkle fan-girl too and can't wait to get my hands on this book!!

family bonds...

I am back at my pavilion after what seemed like a long summer break. By my pavilion I mean places that belong to me- my home, my running route, my gym, my daily chores.... We are back after a month of bonding, pure fun, a bit of chaos and a lot of action.

The Residency, Lucknow

The month seemed longer for all. The kids had their 'little' break away from the 'ever nagging' mum and 'usually stressed' out dad. It was three weeks of pure pamper and fun with family in India. We used that time to take a short couple's break where we managed to re-live some of our old habits (drink every night, choose a not very kid- friendly destination, not worry about meal times or follow any routine) and strangely when we were all reunited as a family no one complained!! 

Going home to India has meant different things to me over the years. When I was single a visit home was for home food and to just chill. When we were a couple, it was about taking a break from our routine, some shopping and meeting old friends. When kids happened, it was to create those bonds (like it is for most of us). 

Over the years the bonds have only deepened. The kids can't wait to get there and lucky us, we've been able to do this more than once a year...Both set of grandparents can't wait to have them over. If one indulges in cooking their favorite dishes, the other has all her energy built up to be out and about with them. Of course the time spent with their brother and rest of the family is priceless.

Kabaddi in full swing..

It maybe the sheer joy of playing badminton every evening  on their grandparents house lawn or picking the rules of kabbadi that they so diligently watched and played every night, my elder one being gifted her 1st 'Titan' watch . Of course her cool cousin and his friends told her, "eeeks, you live in Singapore- why would you buy a watch in India!!" But strangely she and the watch have been inseparable. The sheer excitement of living in the midst of chaos for a few weeks. I can surely say that I go back for that chaos and I enjoy every  moment  of that unpredictability... 

Each of these memories makes our come back tougher. The eeeriness of getting back to our routine, of living an almost perfect life, with nothing going wrong in the day takes a while too.

But somewhere in my heart, I also breath a sigh of relief- that I can do this often. I don't need to plan much and can make an impromptu trip. Thinking back on my holiday, I struggle to finish my 1st run after the month- long break!

finding happiness...

As I touch down on home (Singapore for me), all I take back from my week-long holiday in Vietnam are some quiet and touching moments, spent in Hoi An and a few inspirations from people I came across in the last week-living imperfect lives but with no complaints.

Our first leg- Hoi An turned out to be a sheer surprise. A quaint little (mostly cycling and walking) town highly spirited and full of history set the right pace to start this holiday. We spent a whole day walking around the 'Old Town' discovering the alleys and making random pit stops at cafes, stores and historical sites.

During our 2- day stay apart from visiting the usual eateries and bars, our idea was to undertake some activity that would take us a bit into the back and beyond and show us the   'real' Vietnam. One such highly recommended tour (on Tripadvisor) was a cycling tour of the nearby islands/villages. Our internet search led us to a leading bicycle tour company- Heaven and Earth, and we chose a 6-hour (half day) tour.

The morning of our tour we had two smart, petite girls (in their early 20's), who came on their scooty's and picked us from the hotel. On reaching their office, the cycles were tested and we were briefed that it was going to be a hot and long day with different modes of transports- ferry, cycle, walk. Of course with the sole objective of getting us to see the rustic side up and close.

Quick and me!

Our guide for the day- Kute (pronounced cute but nicknamed 'quick'), was this little girl in her early 20's! She was extremely warm and cheerful. If our life intrigued her, her background, her work, her family life intrigued me. She had tonnes of questions along the day on Singapore, India, our kids, Adi (my husband-and his interest for photography).

And I had a lot of questions for her- how did she get to this job? Doesn't she get bored and tired doing this everyday? Her personal life- Her parents (who live in a remote village very far away from her), siblings, boyfriend! She was more than happy to answer every question and had a constant smile on her face through the day! I can surely say, if not for her this trip would not have been half as fun and memorable!

  From one village to another..

Every moment spent on that 6-hour tour was touching. Be it passing through the quaint villages, the vast rice paddy fields, entering locked family Buddhist temples and exploring them, seeing rice wine being made inside a little hut, or watching a 75- year old lady sew cane mats that she still sells for a livelihood. Belonging to India, poverty or villages are not new to me. But there was one stark difference here-  each person we met, looked happy and content...even a stranger or a little kid would smile at us while we cycled through their village and not fail to say 'CAM AN' (thanks in Vietnamese!)

 

Stacey performing 'Gangnam style'

Madam Phuong (or lovingly called 'Stacey')- our 60- year old bamboo boat trainer also needs a special mention. I wonder what excited her more- singing 'Gangnam style' along with us or teaching us how to ride that 'so tough to balance' bamboo boat. And am certain this feeling was not unique to us. She must be doing this with every tourist who lands up at her door step every day for that boat ride!

So what was so special about this holiday? I probably thought I would take back memories of places I visit, bars that I drank at or the awesome food I ate! But alas, it was something totally unexpected - Stacey's zest for life, Quick's attitude of just staying happy and the Vietnamese way of life- content and warmth! Hope I can live my daily life with even half that attitude. And of course, I plan to work on my cycling skills and make sure that I am up there for my next cycling holiday! 

bonding for the future....

As I sit by myself at the departure lounge at Bangalore airport (my hometown in India), there is a sudden 'erriness' around me..I am flying alone after a long time and that surely feels strange. This solo trip is not one of my 'girl' holidays (I think I took the last and only one 5 years ago). This trip was to drop off my girls at their grand mum and aunt's place in India for a 2-week break.

I still recollect a dinner table talk a few months back at our home in Singapore on where to head for the summer holidays. The elder one (then 7 years old) promptly  replied "a drop- off India trip". I wasn't too surprised but somewhere was a bit reluctant. The elder one had done this in the past and totally enjoyed it but it was a first for my younger one (now 3 years old). As days passed, I realized she was serious about this holiday plan and I dare not alter it. Of course conversations with the younger one also started and she seemed more than ready. I probably forgot that my nephew and my elder girl did their first such vacation when they were 3-years old too!! So this should have been easy for me! 

Well as they say easier said than done! I have had my moments of weakness in the last few days, wondering how I will kill my time in the next two weeks without the girls, will they be fine without me, will my younger one sail it through. And also an unwanted realisation that I will miss them more than they will miss me!

I often recollect my childhood holidays and talk about it to my girls- visits to my grand mum's house in Kerala, spending weeks with my cousins, as we grew even our talks maturing, meeting each other's girlfriends/ boyfriends. Little did we realise that those few weeks of catch up would bond us for life! 

My sister and my first holiday abroad  (and that too just by ourselves) was a visit to my uncle in Muscat. She was 16 years old and me just 11 years then. Till today, that was probably my most 'special' holiday. And my parents were not on that holiday with us!! 

My inner circle of cousins (today though geographically very far from me) are my closest 'whatsapp' buddies. We chat almost every day, exchange pictures/videos and even cry out some of our day's anguish. Am sure those endless games of hide and seek, hours of chatting, table tennis on the dining table had some role to play in bringing us so close...

When I was leaving my mum's home for the airport, for a moment I thought why can't I just stay here and be a part of all this fun. What am I heading back home for? A few days by myself?? I am still not sure how fruitful that is going to be. But the giggles and laughters I heard as soon I closed the door, just made my decision easier. 

Somewhere I am (hopefully) opening windows for the girls to be more independent, form their own relationships and create a path for years of future bonding. Probably when they grow up and remember their childhood holidays, this maybe a special part of their memories. And with that thought, I head back home with a smile and not tears this time around...

an ode to worry.....

Just as I returned from my morning run and was unwinding in my balcony, the husband walked upto me and showed me the below article.. his words "read it anu! this is so U!".... and as I read it I could see myself in the writer's place.... friends who never knew me in my 20's, don't think can imagine that I was an anti-dote of what I am now!And most of my friends who knew me in my 20's are not part of my day-to-day life now...

My Paper 22/6/15

I hated following a routine (in my childhood), in my single life (almost 8 years) everyday I had a story to tell- maybe walk out of the apartment without the keys, land up at the airport with the wrong tickets, fracture my leg at an event, take off on bizarre trips like rafting, hiking (sometimes even alone) and always unplanned....

And today, I feel that I worry with every breathe- worry about (inconsequential) things in my home, worry about the kids, worry about the meals for the day, worry for my family back home, worry even while I have to go out for dinner with my husband (will I be back in time, am I doing the right thing leaving the kids home). I worry when the kids are away in India spending time with their grand parents, I worry when I am on holiday with my husband.

About to hit 40 soon, I wonder where this is going to take me. I wonder why I worry? Is it for what I have or for the fear of losing it? Or maybe unwanted work I poke my head into and tire myself out with. Or the mundane job lists I have created for myself and I believe I don't have a way out to not do it...but one thing is clear- this 'worry' is self-created.

Do we all change like this? Or is it just me? Today with the kids a bit grown up, I try (yes try) to chill a bit. I try to let go. But it's not easy. I forever wonder how tough it must have been for my mother to have a kid like me and more importantly not to try and change that side of me...I see a lot of myself in my younger girl- very impromptu, very casual, always happy. And I try hard to just let her be!

Of course two things have calmed me lately- my running and my writing. Both have taught me that its fine to keep that phone on silent (or not carry it when u run) and it's fine to shut your mind away from everything while writing an article. 

Would I ever find the 'old' me again? Can I spend a day not looking at my watch and my lists? Maybe that's a start I can make for myself. And not worry about the next meal and think about who would 'like' to eat what and then worry about getting it made!

break free or accept failure?

Tuesday: The song by 'Queen' goes well with my current state of mind..'break free'. It's more a mindset issue. I kind of feel I am living in a 'box'. I have clear entry and exit points- by that I mean clear 'timelines' to get my work for the day done- starting from my run early in the morning, waking up the kids, getting them ready for school, grocery shopping, organising dinner, playtime and then the dinner and bed time routine. Do 'we' really need a routine for ourselves? Do we need to always follow that to the 'T'?

Unknowingly, this got tested last week- My husband suggested we go out for dinner mid-week (just me and him). Of course that was a bit of a shocker- it meant, he needs to come back from work on time, we need to eat a quick bite and be home before kids get to bed..It took me a couple of hours to say 'yes'. But somewhere inside me, I knew I wanted to 'break free'. I wanted to see if this was going to change anything in my day-to-day life. And surprisingly the whole outing was smooth. The kids were in their routine. They got some 'me' time together, while we grabbed some of 'ours'. But not to miss, that I kept looking at the time during our dinner out.I am hoping I can get over that in the next few times.

A second instance- I decided to go watch a movie on a Sunday evening with my 8-year old (with school the next day). It took me a while to convince her, that breaking some of our 'own' created rules is feasible. For her more than the movie, the excitement of an outing on a Sunday evening (I think) was more liberating.

So where does this leave me? or the kids? I think over the years, I have started to feel a bit bound and rigid. And unknowingly, this rigidity started to form around the kids too. I could see that they would feel uncomfortable doing anything outside the set routine. In the long run, I don't want them to have 'fixed' ideas on what is 'right' and 'wrong' or more importantly I want them to be adaptable. This maybe one way to keep their thinking flexible.  I still haven't been able to 'break free' completely (as a mum) but for me little baby steps are a good start. Only time will tell, if my approach is right.

Thursday: After attending the year-end choir concert of my eight-year old, it took me back a few months when this whole thing started. At the start of the academic year, she had mentioned about her interest to audition for the choir at school. I had not taken it too seriously and had let it pass without intervening to help her. A few days later, my girl came home disappointed. She said we had missed the deadline to audition for it and she couldn't be a part of it. I think that was her first interface with 'rejection' or maybe 'failure'. The fault was mine and her's and we both learnt some lessons. For her, it was more of starting to be alert,  only she can chase her goal, and that nothing in life comes easily (and no longer on a platter). This was of course a very small instance but I guess at her age, that's where it starts.

As a mother for me, it was about making her realise that now she needs to fight some of her battles herself and never go with the intention to only 'succeed', for her to apprehend that failure is fine and what is more important is the baby step towards your goal that you have taken.  I think she always has a great example of her elder cousin brother who is a budding national-level sportsman and has to face defeat often. We have always seen him take it with a wide smile and only learning more from it.

For her luck, auditions opened up again and I think I succeeded somewhere! I wasn't even aware when she auditioned and finally got chosen. Of course I never made a big deal out of the success in the house and let it pass as just another 'initiative'. Or else had she failed, her pain would have been more.

Maybe our upbringing and the adversities we faced (atleast me) in our day-to-day lives taught me my lessons of life and made 'changes' easy for me to accept. I know situations are different with this generation but am hoping that somewhere my core values stay the same and my kids learn to accept failure the way I did it with a 'smile'.