Tuesday, 7 April 2015

some of my fears....

When was the last time you overcame a fear you've had for years..in my case since childhood. Darkness and the water (swimming, pool, ocean). I always feared playing 'dark room' with my cousins and friends. I would run out of the room if it was dark. I never set foot into a pool when I was a kid and if ever on a boat etc, I always feared it toppling and my face under the water.

Of course as you grow older, your fears start to fade away. In my case, darkness was something I had to overcome (without a choice) when I started living alone. I had to battle out those dark moments caused by power cuts, walks back home after a late night at work, entering a dark house. But I would still console myself by leaving some lights on while sleeping, run into the house the moment I am out of the lift. 

My running route at 5:45am!
Recently (just over a year ago) when I got into my running routine, I had a few questions on my mind- when should I go for my runs? Would the mornings or evenings be better. If mornings, I didn't want to disturb the routine of the kids and be away while they woke up. So the only 'fitting' time was the wee hours of the morning- ie 5:30/5:45am! So I thought it was all sorted and felt a happy mother- I would be back to wake the kids up!

When I stepped out for my 1st early morning run, I looked in all the directions (that I could possibly go). Some were well-lit and some had patches that were eerie and dark. Yes the fear of the dark did get to me, but strangely I was ready to leave it behind and just run. Was it my yearning for my new found pastime to run or was it me just a bit older and wiser now? Of course I never make the mistake to turn back and see how dark it is behind! I fear I may not be able to run further...Today I fearlessly run in any direction with the only fear that a cyclist may knock me down!

My second weakness- the water! A few months back, I had a chat with a friend. We both expressed our desire to do a short-kayaking course (why did I say yes, I am still not too sure). We told ourselves that we will try and do it in 2015. Which meant I had to overcome my 2nd fear and I needed to step into the water/pool. 

The pool view from my home
I coaxed a close friend (whose a good swimmer) to teach me to swim. While doing my 1st class, I asked her "why did I shy away from this all these years?" Was I conscious of people watching me? Or did I really fear the water? I am not sure what the right answer is. I was happy (that atleast at 39 years), I pushed myself to get over my 2nd fear in life! I may have a long way to go, but I feel the moment you take that baby step, there is no looking back. My 1st class at swimming felt like the day I ran my 1st 1km! Today I derive pleasure when I go for my runs, hopefully it will feel the same when I swim one day!

Like my husband put it across well, "You are living the lifestyle of the poor and famous these days- yoga, gym, run, swim..so I really can't complain!" That's true. Most of the items on this list were on my bucket list (when I was working). Probably 10 years back if someone told me this is what I would be doing or enjoy doing, I would have laughed it off. But I think it's my irony that each of these today give me a 'high', and they manage to fit into my day (somehow)!

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