and to another new (lunar) year start ...

5:45am!!

Wednesday (Feb 11)- An early morning run after any (big) run feels like a fresh start for me! My 12km run over the weekend was probably my most challenging run! But like always, it was mostly a 'mind game' and that got me to the finish line. Everyone's question to me was- so 21km next?    12 km to 21km seems like a big jump but to think of it, last year at this time I ran my 1st 5km! So it just maybe a question of me making up my mind and doing it. Inshallah!

Saturday (Feb 7)- Come to think of it, I almost didn't run this 12km run. Last week seemed like the most 'out of control' week for me. Commitments at my elder one's school, the younger one home (being sick)- which obviously made my training close to impossible. But on the morning of the run, suddenly there was a calmness! It felt like even God wanted me to get to that run! And it was all suddenly under control. Like I was always meant to be there! 

Tuesday (Feb 10)- I had an interesting conversation with a friend yesterday. We talked about how tough it is to make new friends after an age! And it's very rare that it fits well for all (husbands, wives, kids..). Having lived away from home for close to 17-18 years now, my friends (the very few I made wherever I stayed), have become family for me over the years (and not all of them are my spouses' friends too)! I have time and again depended on them for 'emotional support' and never looked at them as just friends! I can also count them on my fingers after all these years!!! Even today, I have my  'whatsapp' groups with my close friends (school, college, ex-work, Dubai and now Singapore). Even in Singapore, I made friends at different junctures- playground, bus stop gang, gym gang, yoga gang, my inner gang who are my 'punching bags' for anything, kids school mum's. Though the list is big, the number of friends are handful! My mum always complained (when I was a kid and sometimes even now), that I would go to any length for my friends (sometimes more than I do for family)!! But that's me!!

Wednesday (Feb 11)- And as I pack my bags for my CNY (Chinese New Year) break, there is a strange excitement. It's a short break back home, but with a purpose. This trip is dedicated to the grandparents and the grand kids. The kids will witness the 50th anniversary of their paternal grand parents. Even for me this is a first! It took me a while to explain to my 7-year old that this is 'damn special'. Of course the 2-year old was attentively listening and adding her bit too!

And on that note, Gong Xi Fa Cai and hopefully a good start to another lunar year!

a need vs want!

Friday: The other day after our game of badminton, my friend and I had an interesting chat. It started with how different the upbringing of kids these days is vis a vis our days. It was more to do with how unfair we are sometimes in our approach. At one end, we are trying to meet all our wants and on the other hand, we expect our kids to understand and value the basic needs of life! Confused??? 

As kids most of us (atleast me and most of my friends) never really got to go on 'big' holidays (as we just couldn't afford it) and so by default our upbringing was a bit grounded. We never had to be told the 'value' of things- from an expensive pencil box or maybe an elite education. 

But today as adults we are probably making up for that loss. We crave and look forward to our exotic holidays, the best for ourselves in lives, the best education for our kids. But on the other hand we expect the kids to be balanced and grounded. The optimist in me is ever hopeful! Will my kids able to differentiate between the 'wants and needs'? Or they don't really need to? Only time will tell what's right for this generation.

Bringing up my kids here in Singapore, also at times makes me feel that they are away from a lot of harsh realities. They hardly get to see the economic disparity which could be a good starting point. Do they get it when I say "I can't afford this".

I feel the closest they see to a struggle is the life of their 'helper' (their 'aunty')- that's the common word we use for our in house maids. Their lives back in their countries is close to miserable and forget education, even food is sometimes a luxury. Every penny they earn goes into improving the lives of their entire family (including siblings).  

I have always (tried to) use this as a reference point with the kids. These helpers live with u and they become a part of your family as years go by. You hope that by the time their term ends, just as they have made a difference to your life, you too have value added to their life in some way! Will the kids be able to see this? Not sure!

The Sunday Life- 1/2/2015

Sunday: A moving article in The Sunday Life. A topic very dear to me and probably most of us away from our parents. Thankfully the article was very positive, and profiled grandparents who have actually moved on with times, got tech savvy (for the sake of staying in touch with their grand kids), have moved temporarily beyond their comfort zone and lived with their kids overseas (and made their life easier!). A lot of times we worry that parents may not have a life if we uproute them, but this article beautifully captures the feelings of aged  parents who have said " They were thrilled to be a part of their grand kids' life, and enjoy the last few years of their lives by just being there". Hhhmm, easier said than done? These are very big steps for them, but like they say, both parties have to take the baby steps or else life will stagnate! The support system's got to work both ways!

And on that note, I shall start another week, but this time (mentally) preparing myself for my 'longest' run (Zoo Run 2015- a 12km on Saturday). Same time last year, I ran my first 5km! Inshallah, even this day shall pass...

across borders...

Strangely when I hit the road for my run this morning at 5:55am (yes that's right- am teased a lot among friends for my 'silly' time sense!!), there was a lot more activity than usual. Normally the roads are deserted and you hardly see people! But today was different though I never figured out why!

This weekend was a bit lazy. We spent a lot of time at home. One of our (mine and my 7-year old's) favorite pastimes is watching movie trailers on our Apple TV.

One of the trailers we happened to see was for a recent Bollywood movie-2 states! This movie is an adaptation of a novel by one of the best-selling authors in India. Of course after the 1-minute trailer, she had a lot of questions about the story and it started a conversation between us. To touch briefly, the movie focuses on the ever debatable inter-state marriages within India that I personally feel gets way too much importance! The complexities in culture, and stress over tradition can be easily over looked. It feels great to see that 'urban' India today has moved beyond this factor and any 'this generation' person you chat with, doesn't give this give this whole cultural divide too much attention!

So my 7- year old had a lot of questions on my marriage! I belong to a southern state of India and my husband to the north! Thankfully even 12 years ago, when we decided to marry, it never crossed our mind that we could be cultural misfits! So I strangely never related to that movie.Maybe i was lucky. I know tonnes of friends who were lucky too! I think modern India was open to change then. I tried to explain to her that this movie has come out a bit too late. It should have hit the screens atleast 20 years ago.

I think it was tough for her to comprehend on why there could be an objection in the first place.. Forget inter state, her question was direct about cross country! "Why would anyone object at all in the first place, even if he is not Indian". Well I think somewhere she had a point!  But I tried to explain to her that during my younger days, it was more about economic and moral values clicking rather than social and cultural values.

I think her point was also loud and clear. Seeing her grow, I can see she is surely one step ahead of me in her thinking and hopefully she won't have to 'woo' me when her case arises like shown in the movie!

ways to thank life...

Yesterday was a rushed morning for me. After dropping my younger one off, I had 20 minutes to get to my elder one's school for her highly excited 'Terry Fox charity run'. The schools are not far from each other but the drop off routine, the hugs and the byes (for the younger one) cannot be cut short!

I normally start to get tensed in such situations and don't want to disappoint either of them. But thankfully after all the morning routines done, I was at the 2nd school at sharp 9am! Over the past few months, I have truly imbibed the 'public transport way of life' especially the buses! They never let me down. For the heavy taxi user I have been all these years, am a recent convert and seem to enjoy this mode a lot. It gives me a sense of belonging and a perfect way to live modestly. 

Seeing our lifestyles today, I feel my kids need to value things they have and have a down to earth attitude. Getting onto a bus or train is one small way (I feel), that could help them be a bit grounded, toughen them up and get them to think and value what they have. The pain of waiting for a bus, the pain of standing while traveling, seeing all kinds of people around (old and young), gets them to ask me a lot of questions. Thankfully I live in a country where this mode of transport can be used extensively (and all kinds of people use it).

7-11 store near school

Anyway I was done with the Terry Fox Run and was set to get back home. I normally  make a pit stop at the convenience store opposite my daughter's school (for a quick bite). For the past two years, its been the same lady who has been manning that store. Well she's not any ordinary lady like u and me. For one, she can't speak a word and takes more than 5 minutes to figure out how much change she has to return back to us! The first time I saw her I was shocked for a moment and then thankful (to life for all that it has given me!). She has a little piece of paper next to her, and she struggles to calculate the change (mind you she doesn't use a calculator) and tries hard to mutter it back to you while returning the money. She even only points to a carry bag to check if you need one!

So yesterday when I landed at the payment counter, she was not her usual elusive self. She was smiling a lot. I found that a bit strange, as in the past she wouldn't even lift her head while interacting with you. There was a sudden confidence in her dealing. She even muttered a few words trying to ask me if I wanted a carry bag. And then came the biggest surprise- She managed to say 'Thank You' to me after giving me my change! This time I was truly shocked. I don't know what brought about that change in her, but the smile said it all. It was probably her biggest victory. Whether her job at that store helped her, or she just started talking, her life had surely moved manifolds.

At the breakfast table this morning, I had to tell my daughter about this lady. Having been to that store with me several times, she also distinctly remembered that this lady was not like us! Of course her reaction was, next time we go that side, can we drop by at that store?

And again I tried to remind her, that everyday we need to be thankful for everything we have! For that lady, well I will make sure that every time I visit school, I make a pit stop and buy something from her store!

change is tough...

The pooslide

After dropping off my little girl at school this morning and while whaling away my time for my bus to arrive, my mind flash backed to a brief conversation I had with my 3 close pals last evening. The one hour we guys meet at the poolside every evening is probably the most refreshing time in the day (atleast for me). I probably get to hear some sane stuff (that at times stimulates my mind) and we end up talking about a school issue, a child issue, a silly party someone attended, a nice lunch one of us went to! After spending your whole day juggling your home and kids, this time of the day has become our nirvana time!

One of the friend's dad is visiting her these days, so we inquired about how he is passing his time and if this break is a good change for him! My thought was atleast he doesn't have to worry about his next meal or his groceries for a while. But of course he misses his morning newspapers, probably his routine to meet his buddies, his bank and bill payments, etc. Every time parents visit us, we see changes in them. You can see they have grown (bit) older, maybe a bit more averse to change and you start to worry! Is this good for them or for you? When our kids grow older and we visit them, will we react the same way and have that wall around us or will we break all barriers and live with an open mind?

So just then another friend talked about how we will also change as we grow older (or have we already started to). When we were young, we would often look at our parents and wonder would we be like them? Would we be able to accept changes in our lives easily or will we also resist it? We always didn't want to be like them, and thought we would be way 'cooler' parents. 

I have seen a lot of changes in myself. As a kid, I was never a morning person, always late for my school bus, never serious about anything (from studies to life), always had a happy go lucky attitude. But today, I am a total morning person, very time conscious, can't take a risk and a bit too serious at times! My husband often prays that I don't go more serious than this! And I need to bring that 'chill' factor back into my life. I see a lot of my 'mom' in me! And when I was a kid, I was totally like my dad! My 7-year old can never believe it when I tell her that I have plugged in my exams, I have lost so many of my things while at school, I have got punished for doing wrong!

I am not sure how and when this change came. But I do know that keeping your mind 'open' is probably the answer to a lot of problems. Going with the flow is even better. There is probably never going to be a 'right' way that's good for all but it's better to find what's 'right' for 'you' and move on with that!

keep it simple....

I have often been in situations where I have had to take decisions concerning the kids...some are for silly issues and some may be serious (unless corrected now could get tough to correct later). As the kids are growing (and super fast at that), I feel I am being tested a lot.

I often think of my childhood and my mum at such times. And mostly I don't find the answer. We probably never faced that situation in our childhood! I think our's was simpler, more innocent and hence even the decisions around our upbringing (i think) were limited!

park near our holiday home

We recently went on an extended family holiday! There were 3 kids (very attached to each other but very varied in age)..It took me back to my childhood holidays! Every summer we would travel from Delhi to Kerala and spend the 2 months down south. It was time for all cousins to meet-up and bond! Of course our games were simpler, and so were our demands!

So to come back to our holiday this December, one of the places we stayed at, reminded me of my paternal grandmother's home. Her home was in a similar surrounding in a town called Calicut in Kerala with a huge compound, a big park in the front. My memories of that house was always about playing hide 'n' seek, catch and catch (now termed 'tag' by this generation), lock & key (don't see anyone playing that now), and of course the neighborhood kids and cousins who became my soul mates for that 1 month! Now when I look back, those holidays actually played a big role in shaping me as a person! I formed some strong bonds with people (I actually tracked one of the neighborhood 'soul mates' a few years back thanks to facebook).

one of the many walks

Over the 3 days we spent together up in the hills (even our nearest store was 20 minutes away), I could see the 3 kids re-living my childhood. Also the setting got them to do some simple things and bond over that! The iPad's were kept away- the wifi worked only in some 'sections' of the home. So you could see my 12-year old nephew standing by a window side struggling to get his cricket score, TV was hardly 'watchable'- barely 4-5 channels. And so the kids were forced to go play 'together' outdoors. The 2-year old mastered how to throw her frisbee (just observing the other two), play card games (the older ones even got the two-year old to sit and play UNO), hide 'n' seek, go for walks together. I could see the kids enjoyed it! They spent hours chatting and some moments fighting!

Now after we are back from our break, the kids don't talk much about the 'big city' holiday we did, they more fondly remember the 3-days we spent away from the city! So may be in hindsight, though a lot of things have changed for these kids, some simple things can keep them happy! Of course the 2-year old has become more chatty and has set her own rules to play UNO! I could finally (and happily) see some glimpses of my childhood in these kids!

a BIG thanks!

Being away from writing the last few days, helped me clear a lot of my thoughts. Being away from my routine, not needing to do my (usual) errands, gave me some time to sit back, think back, and feel 'blessed' for all that happened in the last year...

To break all traditions (normally Jan 1 mornings are a late wake-up), I went for my run this morning. Those 30-minutes helped me recap my whole 2014 and I had a lot to be thankful to - healthy kids, no panic calls from home (which is India), my 14 kg weight loss which has (probably) extended my life by 10 years, some special friendships, some lovely moments spent with family and a lot more....

We spent our last 10 days doing a family holiday in Australia (Sydney and the Blue Mountains). Both places were at different spectrums of life, pace and entertainment. If Sydney offered the zoos and the theme parks, the blue mountains gave us the treks, the bush walks, a home to live in, and some quiet time as a family. Strangely i enjoyed the latter more. Even my elder daughter and 12-year old nephew admitted that this pace is always welcome for a few days every year.

We met and talked to a lot of people during our trip. Zoo keepers, my nephew's talks with his team leader while doing the famous 'bridge climb' on the Sydney Harbour Bridge, Emmanuel- our private boat operator around the Sydney Harbour and the numerous taxi drivers in both Sydney and the Blue Mountains.

I can strangely never forget one such conversation. A strange coincidence but we bumped into the 'same' taxi driver over 2 days. And it happened a few times with a few other cab drivers as well. 

Of course he and we got more chatty the second time around. He was intrigued about our life in Singapore. I was a bit intrigued seeing a pic of his on the taxi window. He looked far leaner and younger. We questioned him about that. I was more curious to know if he had put on all that weight in one year??? Without any hesitation, he narrated an incident that occurred 12 months ago. The impact was for now lifetime (unless a miracle happens). 

To mention briefly, he got pricked by a syringe that was in a customer's bag. He only lent his hand out to help her not knowing what was in store was disastrous. What followed was unbelievable or can simply be put as his destiny. He was diagnosed with Hepatitis C and is now on a lifelong medication. More than the medication, he is restricted to kiss his kids or hug them, the kids cannot touch his personal kit ( like toothbrush, shaving kit etc). He was more pained telling us about the latter than his medication that has its own side effects! Tough! But he was smiling while narrating the story and I had goosebumps!

Our 15 minute taxi ride seemed much longer. He himself was shocked that he told us all this. We exchanged names, he was even very keen to drive us to the airport the next morning... we surely found a friend in him. Troy , as I chatted with you that day, i knew i was going to pen this talk. I have no way to get in touch with you, but I do hope and pray that all this is behind you soon and you can hug and love your kids the way u always did! Seeing your spirit, I pray that I get half your courage in any tough situation.

And while I ended my run, I only said a BIG Thank You to 2014!