across borders...

Strangely when I hit the road for my run this morning at 5:55am (yes that's right- am teased a lot among friends for my 'silly' time sense!!), there was a lot more activity than usual. Normally the roads are deserted and you hardly see people! But today was different though I never figured out why!

This weekend was a bit lazy. We spent a lot of time at home. One of our (mine and my 7-year old's) favorite pastimes is watching movie trailers on our Apple TV.

One of the trailers we happened to see was for a recent Bollywood movie-2 states! This movie is an adaptation of a novel by one of the best-selling authors in India. Of course after the 1-minute trailer, she had a lot of questions about the story and it started a conversation between us. To touch briefly, the movie focuses on the ever debatable inter-state marriages within India that I personally feel gets way too much importance! The complexities in culture, and stress over tradition can be easily over looked. It feels great to see that 'urban' India today has moved beyond this factor and any 'this generation' person you chat with, doesn't give this give this whole cultural divide too much attention!

So my 7- year old had a lot of questions on my marriage! I belong to a southern state of India and my husband to the north! Thankfully even 12 years ago, when we decided to marry, it never crossed our mind that we could be cultural misfits! So I strangely never related to that movie.Maybe i was lucky. I know tonnes of friends who were lucky too! I think modern India was open to change then. I tried to explain to her that this movie has come out a bit too late. It should have hit the screens atleast 20 years ago.

I think it was tough for her to comprehend on why there could be an objection in the first place.. Forget inter state, her question was direct about cross country! "Why would anyone object at all in the first place, even if he is not Indian". Well I think somewhere she had a point!  But I tried to explain to her that during my younger days, it was more about economic and moral values clicking rather than social and cultural values.

I think her point was also loud and clear. Seeing her grow, I can see she is surely one step ahead of me in her thinking and hopefully she won't have to 'woo' me when her case arises like shown in the movie!

ways to thank life...

Yesterday was a rushed morning for me. After dropping my younger one off, I had 20 minutes to get to my elder one's school for her highly excited 'Terry Fox charity run'. The schools are not far from each other but the drop off routine, the hugs and the byes (for the younger one) cannot be cut short!

I normally start to get tensed in such situations and don't want to disappoint either of them. But thankfully after all the morning routines done, I was at the 2nd school at sharp 9am! Over the past few months, I have truly imbibed the 'public transport way of life' especially the buses! They never let me down. For the heavy taxi user I have been all these years, am a recent convert and seem to enjoy this mode a lot. It gives me a sense of belonging and a perfect way to live modestly. 

Seeing our lifestyles today, I feel my kids need to value things they have and have a down to earth attitude. Getting onto a bus or train is one small way (I feel), that could help them be a bit grounded, toughen them up and get them to think and value what they have. The pain of waiting for a bus, the pain of standing while traveling, seeing all kinds of people around (old and young), gets them to ask me a lot of questions. Thankfully I live in a country where this mode of transport can be used extensively (and all kinds of people use it).

7-11 store near school

Anyway I was done with the Terry Fox Run and was set to get back home. I normally  make a pit stop at the convenience store opposite my daughter's school (for a quick bite). For the past two years, its been the same lady who has been manning that store. Well she's not any ordinary lady like u and me. For one, she can't speak a word and takes more than 5 minutes to figure out how much change she has to return back to us! The first time I saw her I was shocked for a moment and then thankful (to life for all that it has given me!). She has a little piece of paper next to her, and she struggles to calculate the change (mind you she doesn't use a calculator) and tries hard to mutter it back to you while returning the money. She even only points to a carry bag to check if you need one!

So yesterday when I landed at the payment counter, she was not her usual elusive self. She was smiling a lot. I found that a bit strange, as in the past she wouldn't even lift her head while interacting with you. There was a sudden confidence in her dealing. She even muttered a few words trying to ask me if I wanted a carry bag. And then came the biggest surprise- She managed to say 'Thank You' to me after giving me my change! This time I was truly shocked. I don't know what brought about that change in her, but the smile said it all. It was probably her biggest victory. Whether her job at that store helped her, or she just started talking, her life had surely moved manifolds.

At the breakfast table this morning, I had to tell my daughter about this lady. Having been to that store with me several times, she also distinctly remembered that this lady was not like us! Of course her reaction was, next time we go that side, can we drop by at that store?

And again I tried to remind her, that everyday we need to be thankful for everything we have! For that lady, well I will make sure that every time I visit school, I make a pit stop and buy something from her store!

change is tough...

The pooslide

After dropping off my little girl at school this morning and while whaling away my time for my bus to arrive, my mind flash backed to a brief conversation I had with my 3 close pals last evening. The one hour we guys meet at the poolside every evening is probably the most refreshing time in the day (atleast for me). I probably get to hear some sane stuff (that at times stimulates my mind) and we end up talking about a school issue, a child issue, a silly party someone attended, a nice lunch one of us went to! After spending your whole day juggling your home and kids, this time of the day has become our nirvana time!

One of the friend's dad is visiting her these days, so we inquired about how he is passing his time and if this break is a good change for him! My thought was atleast he doesn't have to worry about his next meal or his groceries for a while. But of course he misses his morning newspapers, probably his routine to meet his buddies, his bank and bill payments, etc. Every time parents visit us, we see changes in them. You can see they have grown (bit) older, maybe a bit more averse to change and you start to worry! Is this good for them or for you? When our kids grow older and we visit them, will we react the same way and have that wall around us or will we break all barriers and live with an open mind?

So just then another friend talked about how we will also change as we grow older (or have we already started to). When we were young, we would often look at our parents and wonder would we be like them? Would we be able to accept changes in our lives easily or will we also resist it? We always didn't want to be like them, and thought we would be way 'cooler' parents. 

I have seen a lot of changes in myself. As a kid, I was never a morning person, always late for my school bus, never serious about anything (from studies to life), always had a happy go lucky attitude. But today, I am a total morning person, very time conscious, can't take a risk and a bit too serious at times! My husband often prays that I don't go more serious than this! And I need to bring that 'chill' factor back into my life. I see a lot of my 'mom' in me! And when I was a kid, I was totally like my dad! My 7-year old can never believe it when I tell her that I have plugged in my exams, I have lost so many of my things while at school, I have got punished for doing wrong!

I am not sure how and when this change came. But I do know that keeping your mind 'open' is probably the answer to a lot of problems. Going with the flow is even better. There is probably never going to be a 'right' way that's good for all but it's better to find what's 'right' for 'you' and move on with that!

keep it simple....

I have often been in situations where I have had to take decisions concerning the kids...some are for silly issues and some may be serious (unless corrected now could get tough to correct later). As the kids are growing (and super fast at that), I feel I am being tested a lot.

I often think of my childhood and my mum at such times. And mostly I don't find the answer. We probably never faced that situation in our childhood! I think our's was simpler, more innocent and hence even the decisions around our upbringing (i think) were limited!

park near our holiday home

We recently went on an extended family holiday! There were 3 kids (very attached to each other but very varied in age)..It took me back to my childhood holidays! Every summer we would travel from Delhi to Kerala and spend the 2 months down south. It was time for all cousins to meet-up and bond! Of course our games were simpler, and so were our demands!

So to come back to our holiday this December, one of the places we stayed at, reminded me of my paternal grandmother's home. Her home was in a similar surrounding in a town called Calicut in Kerala with a huge compound, a big park in the front. My memories of that house was always about playing hide 'n' seek, catch and catch (now termed 'tag' by this generation), lock & key (don't see anyone playing that now), and of course the neighborhood kids and cousins who became my soul mates for that 1 month! Now when I look back, those holidays actually played a big role in shaping me as a person! I formed some strong bonds with people (I actually tracked one of the neighborhood 'soul mates' a few years back thanks to facebook).

one of the many walks

Over the 3 days we spent together up in the hills (even our nearest store was 20 minutes away), I could see the 3 kids re-living my childhood. Also the setting got them to do some simple things and bond over that! The iPad's were kept away- the wifi worked only in some 'sections' of the home. So you could see my 12-year old nephew standing by a window side struggling to get his cricket score, TV was hardly 'watchable'- barely 4-5 channels. And so the kids were forced to go play 'together' outdoors. The 2-year old mastered how to throw her frisbee (just observing the other two), play card games (the older ones even got the two-year old to sit and play UNO), hide 'n' seek, go for walks together. I could see the kids enjoyed it! They spent hours chatting and some moments fighting!

Now after we are back from our break, the kids don't talk much about the 'big city' holiday we did, they more fondly remember the 3-days we spent away from the city! So may be in hindsight, though a lot of things have changed for these kids, some simple things can keep them happy! Of course the 2-year old has become more chatty and has set her own rules to play UNO! I could finally (and happily) see some glimpses of my childhood in these kids!

a BIG thanks!

Being away from writing the last few days, helped me clear a lot of my thoughts. Being away from my routine, not needing to do my (usual) errands, gave me some time to sit back, think back, and feel 'blessed' for all that happened in the last year...

To break all traditions (normally Jan 1 mornings are a late wake-up), I went for my run this morning. Those 30-minutes helped me recap my whole 2014 and I had a lot to be thankful to - healthy kids, no panic calls from home (which is India), my 14 kg weight loss which has (probably) extended my life by 10 years, some special friendships, some lovely moments spent with family and a lot more....

We spent our last 10 days doing a family holiday in Australia (Sydney and the Blue Mountains). Both places were at different spectrums of life, pace and entertainment. If Sydney offered the zoos and the theme parks, the blue mountains gave us the treks, the bush walks, a home to live in, and some quiet time as a family. Strangely i enjoyed the latter more. Even my elder daughter and 12-year old nephew admitted that this pace is always welcome for a few days every year.

We met and talked to a lot of people during our trip. Zoo keepers, my nephew's talks with his team leader while doing the famous 'bridge climb' on the Sydney Harbour Bridge, Emmanuel- our private boat operator around the Sydney Harbour and the numerous taxi drivers in both Sydney and the Blue Mountains.

I can strangely never forget one such conversation. A strange coincidence but we bumped into the 'same' taxi driver over 2 days. And it happened a few times with a few other cab drivers as well. 

Of course he and we got more chatty the second time around. He was intrigued about our life in Singapore. I was a bit intrigued seeing a pic of his on the taxi window. He looked far leaner and younger. We questioned him about that. I was more curious to know if he had put on all that weight in one year??? Without any hesitation, he narrated an incident that occurred 12 months ago. The impact was for now lifetime (unless a miracle happens). 

To mention briefly, he got pricked by a syringe that was in a customer's bag. He only lent his hand out to help her not knowing what was in store was disastrous. What followed was unbelievable or can simply be put as his destiny. He was diagnosed with Hepatitis C and is now on a lifelong medication. More than the medication, he is restricted to kiss his kids or hug them, the kids cannot touch his personal kit ( like toothbrush, shaving kit etc). He was more pained telling us about the latter than his medication that has its own side effects! Tough! But he was smiling while narrating the story and I had goosebumps!

Our 15 minute taxi ride seemed much longer. He himself was shocked that he told us all this. We exchanged names, he was even very keen to drive us to the airport the next morning... we surely found a friend in him. Troy , as I chatted with you that day, i knew i was going to pen this talk. I have no way to get in touch with you, but I do hope and pray that all this is behind you soon and you can hug and love your kids the way u always did! Seeing your spirit, I pray that I get half your courage in any tough situation.

And while I ended my run, I only said a BIG Thank You to 2014!

so what's in a name...

literally! what's in a name?? every time you meet someone, and the first thing you exchange is a name! Strangely a lot can be said about the person from the name, atleast the country I come from, more often than not you can.

I read this piece recently and it got me thinking.. http://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2014/11/changing-surnames-after-marriage/

We had some friends over for lunch yesterday. And coincidentally this topic came up again. It was already on my mind, and I was only waiting for those 'free 20' minutes to put it all together...

After all these years, today I prefer to be called by my 'short name'. My full name is hardly used (except on my legal status). 

I have had huge debates when I got married to retain my maiden name. But legally then, the process was 'easier' if I shifted to my 'married' name. And so the shift was made. I always felt it should be a matter of 'choice'. Even whether you decide to take on your dad or mums' name or sometimes both. 

The solution could be that when you turn 18 years, you get to make that choice. Thankfully, I had parents who had the same family name, so the debate never arose for me. But in my kids case, I have added my family name to theirs. I am not sure what they will retain or drop it when they marry, but I would like that decision to be made out of choice!

More often I am also questioned on why I named my elder girl 'Zoya'. This name is associated with a certain race (that I or my spouse don't belong to). It was tough for family and friends (then) to accept it. But we thought very 'openly'. The moment we heard the name, we loved it. The meaning was even more beautiful. We never once looked at it from a 'racial' perspective. Was that my 'forward thinking' or was it me living at that point in Dubai and being used to hearing that name? I am not sure. 

My younger one carries a more 'normal' Indian name-Ira, thought this often gets twisted to 'Era' or 'Aira'.

We often have debates at home on this whole 'family name' topic. And of course my voice is a bit strong on this issue.  Seeing the Chinese system, where the middle name is often the family name, we have even got school letters addressed to the dad as 'Aditya Menon Gupta'. It thrills my daughters to see my name tagged along to their father's. But India, this is close to impossible.

I don't think there is 'one' right answer to this issue. Every society probably follows a different norm. But I still feel, the individual should have the 'choice' that they can make at a later stage in life.

i survived....

I had no plans to write this blog but a close friend asked me this morning "where is the blog on your run yesterday"... I thought it may be boring to read again and again on my runs but on second thoughts this one was different and probably for the first time the feelings of completing this run was mixed!

I normally feel like a 'winner' after each run but yesterday after completing my 10km run at The Standard Chartered Marathon Singapore 2014, I felt like a 'survivor'.

The Salveo Mantra runners

A few months back, 4 of us from our running club- Salveo Mantra decided to run this race. I had run a 10km run a few weeks back, so it wasn't that unnerving for me (well that's what I thought)! But the day had different plans for me!

This category had 27,000 people running this year. For a second, I felt like I was running a 100 mt race. Is it that easy to run a 10km?? Getting to the 'start' line took us 25 minutes. So the frustrations had already set in. The sun was blazing at 7:30am!

The previous night while chatting with my husband, he had advised me that my goal with this race should be to better my time by 5-7 minutes as compared to my last run. So that was the goal I set out with in the morning.

Two kilometers into my run, and I could feel the pressure of the sun! I knew this 'run' was going to be tough. I had to reset my goals! So I decided to switch off my Runtastic and my borrowed Garmin watch. This race wasn't anymore about pace or speed. It was now all about just getting to the finish line. I just had to complete this race. 

I don't know if it was the heat, the crowd, the route but it all seemed to add up. At several points I gave up and started walking. Something I have never done since I started running. All through I had several thoughts that pushed me- thoughts of the Half and Full Marathon runners, if they could, then I should surely try to finish mine, of my running club friends, hope they were fine and hanging on.

Was it just me giving up? Thankfully it wasn't. I had tonnes of people around me in walking mode. Struggling and pulling myself I got to the finish line. Though when I reached the finish line, this time around I was more relieved than excited. Strangely, even my timing wasn't all that bad after all considering I walked so much!

As I walked home from the train station, I had tonnes of people smiling at me seeing my 10km bib! I felt like a proud school girl returning home with a medal that I could show off to my two little girls! My feeling of disappointment had changed to a sense of pride.

My running in this race may have had a purpose. It probably made me mentally a bit more stronger. My determination was put to test yesterday. Will it be a half marathon next? Only time will tell....